"22...28...22...28..."
Friday, January 30, 2004
 
F-I-R-E-D
And surprisingly calm about it, a relief to be out Attila's clutches. The Scourge of the Gods has no place running a construction office. Or perhaps, she does. So I spent the day with Rachel and my Daughter at the Disney Store. No, I am not crazy, I didn't do any shopping for myself. Found many cute things, but I am well aware that I will be in New Orleans in 19 days and need all the cha-ching I can hold on to. Can't decide if I want to go on un-employment for a little while, like a month, or if I want to find some retail job for a few weeks till I get back from Mardi Gras. I guess it will be up to the almighty dollar. Couple of draw backs for both. I will end up working weekends if I get a retail job, and I will go into it knowing that I am only gonna be there for a few weeks. Unemployment, well my hubby will expect house clean and dinner ready when he gets home. And I might get way too used to being lazy again. Not able to "bounce" out of bed at 6am to start a new job. I will leave it up to the fates. I will apply for the jobs, and check out Un-employment on Monday. Which-ever starts the money faster.. I will take it.

Thursday, January 29, 2004
 
Note to self...
When jesting with friends, and a particular comment requires the reply "Bite Me", And someone obliges you, Never counter with "tastes like chicken". It really isn't something a lady should say regarding her own personal flavoring.

 
Good old days???
About 5 years ago I brought my future husband over to my parents house for what would be the first of many annual Christmas Tree Decorating parties. My father and step-mother are there, my grandparents, my siblings and their children, the house is filled with my family. My step-mother always turns on Christmas Carols and we begin to attack the house with all the trimmings, so in the end it appears Christmas puked in the living room. 3 of us had crowded around the tree to hang the traditional glass ball ornaments; as the children raced willy-nilly about the room. Laughter and conversation ensue as I place the box of Christmas balls between my knees, because I need both hands to grab the branch just out of reach. As I stretch my short frame higher I hear a loud shriek and glance over at my nephew who had literally stepped in a mountain of tinsel and had slid onto his butt causing tinsel to scatter and float like a pile of leaves. I, like everyone else, burst into great shouts of laughter. However, I begin to lose my balance and adjust my legs to keep from toppling over. This adjustment basically consisted of clamping my legs together, and shattering the glass balls in the box I was holding there. Before anyone can even begin to laugh over this my future husband, who had only met my family once before, bellows in front of father, mother, sisters, brothers, grandparents and nephews, "Damn, that coulda been my head".

Monday, January 26, 2004
 
Steppin out...
I absolutely cannot walk today. I have on a comfortable pair of shoes, which for me is very rare. At least they are comfortable to walk in. Sitting in these shoes is a completely different story, and completely my fault. I am a fidgeter. I have to constantly shift my leg positions, mostly with one ending up under my butt. And these oh so comfortable for walking and quasi cute shoes have these horrid little buckles that cut right on my ankle bone and hurt like hell to sit on. So, I got to work. I took them off. Bosses are both gone today, why not wander the office barefoot. Until the dilema rises, the 32 oz caffiene kick I had this morning has sunk and I have to pee. In an effort to save time I ask my co-worker to kick off her size 8's and let me run down the hallway with her shoes on. Slip on shoes are so much easier than dealing with buckles, and folding over to connect the buckles is a really bad idea right now. Cute borrowed shoes slide easily on and I stand ready to sprint, and I trip. Puzzled, I glance down checking pant legs verfiying they havent gotten in the way and I take another step. The strangest sensations were occuring below my ankles, and no I do not mean warmth I have enough control not to pee myself. But I simultaneously notice a few things. My previously broken toes do not like the confining area of her pointed shoes. There is a glue like movement from the top of the shoe as though I am not lifting it high enough when I step, so it isnt really seperating from the ground. And it seems as though I am leaning backwards. Like my heels are lower than my toes. Rather than risk embaressment by falling flat on my face, I kick off the shoes and run barefoot down the corridor, past the elevator around the corner into the bathroom, when I realize. I am standing, in a public restroom with barefeet. Sorry.. gross! Too gross. Pee quickly and streak down the hall before I am caught. Back in the safety of my office I slip back on my comfortable standing but not sitting shoes and dont even bother with the straps, letting them dangle loosely. Yeah, I cant believe I didnt see it coming either, but I stepped on one strap and tried to lift the other and ended up on my face anyway. At least the glue shoes were cuter and more worth the fall.

 
Sad State...
I feel I must report on the sorry state of the male ego. Perhaps I am generalizing a smidge here, but this morning on my way to work something happened that at first hurt my feelings, then just plain ticked me off. Bit of background, my husband has decided that our two and a half year old daughter is going to be a lesbian. She is not allowed to be involved with boys. I see nothing wrong with that, if it ends up being her choice. So I dont exactly push the issue, in fact I guess I could be consider the wrench in my husbands works, because I have no qualms about pointing out the type of boys that will eventually be acceptable. Thus my story... On the way to day care this morning a boy pulled up next to us at a red light. He was on a street bike...a sleek gold and bronze Suzuki. I called my daughter's attention to it explaining to her, that boys with bikes like that are completely acceptable. (dont tell my husband I said that) As I drove off she begins chanting, "Motorcycle! Motorcycle!" So, I accelerate to pull up next to him again so that my daughter can clap and ask questions. I smile at my daughter then look out my window again to smile at the bike. The person on the bike turned his head at me and jerked his thumb back behind him and shook his head as if saying, back off, or get lost, or you dont have a chance. That hurt my ego at first, I'm not Julia Roberts, but I'm not Lyle Lovett either. Then I just got angry. He was covered completely head to toe. I couldnt see an inch of skin anywhere. So for him, to believe that I was pulling up next to him because I was somehow interested in him, and then for him to find me not worthy. In my mind my car violently swept to the left forcing the egotist to swerve and crash his beautiful bike and injure what he obviously considered was too good for me. In reality I explained to my daughter that some men on bikes are jerks, and finished driving to daycare.

 
Simply fabulous...
I know the club scene/bar scene/any scene can be filled with horrible rejects from the opposite sex. And many times these are the those who feel the need to not only approach you, but attach themselves to your side for the duration of the evening, thereby ruining your chances with the hottie you have been making eye contact with. But these ones wont go away. You attempt to be polite and tell them you are too tired to dance at the moment, or really don't need another drink as you are driving tonight. These are the ones you wish you could get past that deeply ingrained kind person living inside you and just abruptly reject the nuisance. You can Next time that annoying drunkard approaches you, explain in the most interested tone you can muster, that while you are flattered you have obligations to stay by a friend's side for the evening/You've brought a client in tonight and need to work/Your favorite pet recently died and you just want some alone time with your memories. Then tell them that you would love to hear from them sometime, when you are more able to conversate. And give them the phone number, to the rejection hotline. Visit the website at the above link and find the city nearest you. Plug the phone number into your cell as your home number or as your work number or as your work cell number. The possibilities are only limited to your imagination. And hours later, when the annoyance tries to call you, they will reach "The Rejection Hotline". I wish I could give you a detailed accounting of what the Mr. Movie Phone sound-a-like says, but I believe you need to hear it for yourself. The days of giving out false phone numbers is a thing of the past.

 
Hotcakes with a side of morning flirt, please.
Nothing makes the day brighter than a morning flirt. And not just any morning flirt. The kind where you are in your car, singing along to whatever song you are using to pry your brain open that morning, and you glance up at the car next to you to find a set of very attractive eyes smiling at you. Now, under normal circumstances you aren't coy. But you were running late this morning, and have no make-up on, and your hair is still damp, and the jacket you are wearing is too big on you so it always feels like it is squishing your face together, and to top it all off the adorable boy smiling from the car next to you just caught you singing and car dancing. All put together to make a very embarrassing reason to be flirted with. But there he is at the stop light next to you. Regaining a bit of your cool composure you pretend that your morning car activities are perfectly natural and accepted and speed away from the light when it turns green. Out of the corner of your eye you see him coming back up around the other side. And you really don't want to look, because encouraging a really hot morning flirt should be reserved for better mornings. But you do, and he is holding his chin in a GQ fashion and grinning at you. Sighing wistfully because it is all so adorable, you do the only thing you can do at a time like that. You put your foot to the floor and take off like a bat outta hell, only to glance in the rear view mirror and see him closing in on you because he now thinks it's a game of flirt tag. Okay, okay, you'll play along. Let's pretend that you don't see him, not really anyway. Or at least that your actions have nothing to do with his reactions. But then, just as you are about to merge into a better traveling lane on the freeway he pops into it before you. You were just beaten at your own game, until he backs off a bit and waves you in front of him. 15 miles of smiles in mirrors and side-look glances to see if you are both actually involved in something as silly as this. But you are, and you both know it. And then you get to the point where one of you just has to exit, while the other keeps heading straight. And in the only outright acknowledgement of each other, extend a hand out the window to wave each other off. Now, once upon a time I would have scattered to find a lipstick or something to write my number on my window for him. But today I am perfectly content with just knowing that I am still car flirt worthy. And to that hot GQ boy, thanks for the smiles.

Saturday, January 24, 2004
 
I live in a city where virtual lawn is now an exciting idea as an outside play area for the children. I cant help but wonder if rubber trees will take on a whole new meaning in my home town.

Friday, January 23, 2004
 
Explanation if you will please....

I completely understand the buttons with numbers on it. You have to tell the damn thing where you want to go, up or down. I understand the fire button, you are on fire, you should alert that to somebody. I even understand, while despise the little button with the arrows facing out. You feel the need to cram one more person on the fully loaded levitating closet, so you hold the button so they can get in on the action too. Or perhaps you see someone over 100 ft away glancing in the direction of the closing doors, and you decide to be a boy scout and push the door open button until the person notices and has to sprint on board. Because he knows the people in there with you really didn't want you to hold it for him, Hell, he didn't want you to hold it for him. You did it out of the goodness of your heart. Well, those make sense, at least, they are actually functional. My peeve is with the little doojobby with arrows pointing together. The little guy who claims he closes the doors. I have a couple of theories on this and let me explain why. The button doesn't work. The doors to the elevator will still close on their own time, uncaring about your lunch break being over 20 minutes ago. It's that simple, it doesn't make a difference in the door's closing speed. Now, my theories...
First.. It is a throw back to times when doors had to be closed manually. When a man dressed in a very smart uniform opened and closed the doors for you. And due to nostalgia was never removed.
Second.. It is a deceptive ploy generated in Hollywood by horror flicks. That button is placed there for the moments when you are being chased by some horrific creature out to kill you. You plung into the elevator with hopes of safety and frantically push the close button. Now in the movies, the doors will close in the nick of time crushing the claw reaching toward you. In real life you would be ruthlessly mauled as the creature's arm would stop the doors from closing.
Third and final...Its a physiological thing. That button is there to trick our minds into believing that we control everything that is going on in the elevator. For those people who need to be in absolute control of everything in their lives and ours.
Whatever the reason, whatever the manipulations behind them. The bottom line? The stupid thing never closes the doors fast enough for me to avoid the overly perfumed, heavy set woman who feels the need to chat the entire ride. To be blunt, it doesn't work!

Thursday, January 22, 2004
 
PS.. Be Aware.. The newers posts ended up at the end of yesterday's listing. So anything from yesterday on back is at the end of yesterday, the newest, to this spot today, the oldest. Okay ya know what? Just forget it. I'm just gonna write and if you get lost.. oh well.. not like I made much sense anyway.

 
Apologies...
I learned an important lesson regarding the blogger. In the Template portion of the screen, when you decide to change your format, and the message tells you that you will lose information. They aren't freakin joking!!! It got so messed up I reset everything. THANK GOD I saved to my computer before I did it all.
So, the posts for today and yesterday are just a hodgepodge collection of the posts from the past 4 months. So, if you have read them before, I apologize. If they are in a confusing mess, I apologize. Or if you just can't deal with the new format, I apologize.

 
My right leg is longer than my left leg. I'm not a doctor and I have never studied anything.. But word of mouth is that my condition is normal. I don't have a noticeable difference in my walk.. In fact most people would never be able to tell seeing me upon first glance.. Perhaps not even second. But on the day I am wearing my hiking boots instead of my high heels the toe of my right foot hits the ground a second too soon and I catapult forward. Yeah.. Most people see that maybe once.. So they think I am just a clutz... I can deal with that. Is it wrong to rather be view as someone in capable of walking rather than someone who's right leg is maybe a quarter of a quarter of an inch longer than the left?

 
The ultimate plan at this moment in my life is to find out just how many showtunes my manager really can handle. Cause somedays.. All you can do.. Is break into song....
"When you're a jet, you're a jet all the way...."

 
I think I am going to add duct tape to my list of things that are acceptable in my purse. Just my purse mind you.. I'm not trying to force my purse issues on the world...

 
I have a theory I explain to any woman at any place any time I am given the chance.. Always hear women whining and groaning about how only ugly guys hit on her. Why cant the hot guy come talk to me? Personally I have it figured out. It is all about the ego. Ugly guys.. No offense to those who put themselves in this category... Are used to rejection. They have nothing to lose because they can cat call and talk shit all they want, but they aren't really expecting anything to come of it. Eventually.. With persistence they will get lucky. So ugly guys.. Or guys who just deem themselves as ugly don't have an ego to protect so they can openly put themselves out for rejection.
Now Hot guys.. guys who want to believe they are attractive have something to lose. Because god forbid some woman who he works the nerve up to speak with turns him down.. Hits his ego and therefore he loses something. Makes perfect sense to me...
So ladies.. I don't care how UGLY this guy may be.. A compliment is a compliment.. And some guy chatting you up may be identical to your redneck toothless uncle. But.. If the hot guy sees you rejecting anyone.. He will immediately think you are unapproachable.
I'm not telling you to dance with every drunk idiot. You are allowed to be selective.. But frowning and ignoring and being rude will not catch the boys you want.

 
Someone ate onions in my office.. The raw red kind.. Of course I didn't realize it was the onions until after I sniffed my pits to locate the odor.

 
My office floor is a semi circle... I walk from one end to the other.. You cant see people coming around the curve and today I caught a man in mid-talk to himself.. Arms raised in gesture and mouth open with silent words.. And as I giggled silently at catching him in such a silly pose, I immediately began wondering what it was he was talking with himself so adamantly about. So I begin the gestures putting my words into his thoughts.. As someone else comes around the corner and catches me mimicking the same pose I found so humorous not 20 seconds before.
My question... Did they carry on the pose thing? Is it possible the pose was passed from guy to me to new lady? Is the pose a disease of some sort like the demon in "Fallen"? Or am I just really dumb and way to open to suggestion?

 
I bought a new cell phone this weekend. Got one of those nifty camera do-hickies on it. Now I can pay $15 per month to send pictures to anyone in the world.. who has a camera phone with sprint.. Or an email address I know.

Really sorta bored at work.. got a talking to on Friday that lasted an hour and half after my normal "get off" time....
God I wish that meant what it implies.. Anyway.. Hour and half of talking to find out I am getting and extra $.50 and hour.. Hmm... Feels like high school again.

Spent all Saturday night at the bar playing mediator. Life is good as a Libra. I just dont understand how people who call each other friends can be so judgemental toward each other. Just because it isnt something you would ever do doesnt mean it cant happen to and make sense to another person. It's that one of the draws of having friends? To find another person who compliments us.... not copies us.

 
Bathroom Convo:
Enter restroom after lunch carrying book and soda. Place
both on counter as I enter a stall. Stall next to me flushes and woman heads to sink where she finds my items.
Her: These your things?
Me: Yeah, Mine.
Her: Ya know you can really tell alot about a person by the books they read.
Me: Really? Have you read all the books in the world?
Her: *pause* Well No.. why?
Me: Well it seems to me in order to be able to tell alot about a person by the books they read you would have to read each book to know what it was about. Otherwise you are basically judging it by its cover and thereby judging that person by their cover, literally.
Her: *exits the bathroom*
Me: Damn!!! *internal dialogue*.. Shoulda kept my mouth shut.. *glaring at empty toilet paper rolls*

 
I remember being in 6th grade.. and in PE class. Everyone has to do that damn.. run real fast.. and turn the corner while jumping head first on your back over a bar. Follow me? Yeah okay....well.. I am short and was short back then. I have long legs for such a short person.. but still key words here.. Short person. Needless to say... I couldnt get my body at a full run to fly over a bar 3-4 ft off the ground back then when I was young. Dunno why in the hell I thought I could now run.. full speed in 3 inch heels and jump the 4 feet in air to smack the top of the doorway
and still land in one piece.
My dilema now.. It's getting wintery here.. do i really need to pay the money to fix my cute little black heels that I cant wear once it gets cold anyway? Or is this just a good excuse to go buy a new pair of cute winter black heels to replace these I damaged in my moment of Duh!

 
Heard while on hold with a plumbing company...

"With our new soft close mechinism, slamming toilet lids will not be a problem any more.. Tired of the jiggling lid that scoots back and forth when you sit on? Soft touch combines pressurized hinges on both the seat and lid to avoid the harsh, jarring dropping of the lid onto the seat which causes it to come loose. Try the new soft touch.".....

"Unsightly skid marks inside your toilet bowl can be so embarressing. Dark yellow water lines are too difficult to
scrub away and some stains bleach wont even touch.
Avoid all of these with Sani-gloss! Our new gloss coats the inside of your bowl so nothing sticks to it.
Water lines and skid marks are a things of the past.."

How do you not giggle when someone says Skid Marks?
Much less uses the whole frickin phrase..
Skid marks in your bowl...

Is he selling Laundry detergent for men's underwear?
Is it a tefelon toilet bowl?
Wow...I just lost about 20 minutes of work time on this one.

 
Cant think...Brain frying.. faintly hear a sweet voice singing........
"you put your right leg in ... you put your right leg out...
you put your right leg in.. and you shake it all about...
You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around...
Thats what its all about!!!!!!"

hey!!! I think every office should have a mandatory Hokey Pokey break.. We'll place it right in between the coffee break and the nervous break (down)....

 
Is there ever a truly opprotune "cool" moment for the phrase..
"Rats.. Foiled again!!"?????

Didnt think so...

 
Have you ever accidentally pictured someone naked and really really wished you hadnt?
Old guy with the motorcycle works in my building.. Always out front smoking.. Dunno Why..
No explanations what so ever.. Just....BAM... naked old guy on a motorcycle.

 
Sent to me by roommate Rachel:
Free Milk


For all those men who believe that there's no reason to buy the cow when you can get the milk for free:

Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, as they have wised up to the fact that for 6 ounces of sausage it's not worth buying the entire pig.

 
Anyway... I am two hole punching some papers right now and I noticed a little latch at the back. Apparently,
when properly engaged this little latch holds the puncher in a semi-punched position. Why? Who really needs this feature? Who latches their hole punch? is it for the paranoid people who think other people might try and use it thereby contaminating it with foreign paper holes?

 
I had the WORST drive home last night. Freeway was fucked up, construction on all the
road ways. Normally a half hour drive home turned into bout and hour and half. The worst
part was I was out of gas and had to pee. Finally find a gas station.. fill up the tank. Bathroom
out of order. So I have to drive to the nearest bar which happens to be the seediest bar
I have ever seen called The Alibi Casino. Yeah... would rather have used the bathroom at
the gas station. Swear to god I walked in and this waitress looked me up and down. Couldnt
tell if she wanted to gobble me up or kick my ass. I had just come from work so I was in my
little suit and heels and shit. Definately out of place. She asked what I wanted. I mean right
like that. What do you want? Bathroom.. Oh sure sugar let me show you. This 6ft tall bleach
blonde with horrible roots.. rotted teeth.. WAY too much make up and like size 16 sqeezed
into the tiniest top and shortest skirt took my arm and walked me to the bathroom. Then
said if I needed any help just yell. Yeah.. it was freakin scary!!! I will NEVER leave work
before stopping at the bathroom again. NEVER!

 
I see absolutely nothing wrong with Walmarts, Targets, Kmarts, wholesale grocers.. nothing. I think it is great that I can buy basics for less. There are some things I will buy there and some things I wont. But I saw something last night that had my mind reeling. Brace yourselves kiddos... "Pizza & Ribs 4 Less" has made it to my town.
I dont really think I need to express the horrific images this brought to mind. But I keep picturing the ingredients label for Ribs for less.. "Packaged processed meat food?" Sorry.. I will pay 99 cents for a cheese burger that I know is supposed to merely represent a cheesburger. But Come on People. Who seriously names a restaurant ANYTHING 4 less and truly expects to be taken seriously?

 
Seen outfront my office building in Las Vegas:

Old fat guy with motorcycle standing in front of the doors holding a snow board. Before I could even comment on the locale of him and his snowboard he smiles, pointing to the equipment and tells me..."I'm bored"

Yeah.. I didn’t stop laughing till after I made it on the elevator and then had the rapid fire giggles for about 20 minutes after.
Am I really that easy to entertain?

 
I know the fires in California are a devasting event.
But I cant see out the windows of my office right now.
Yes, California is a No-smoking state.. But do they have to send it over here?

 
Something missing?
So the new girl in my office told me she plays with toys. I play with toys all the time..mine just generally require batteries and alone time.
I know she collects Barbies. Like and actual Barbie collection freak... Pays top dollar for these dolls. No biggie, everyone needs something right. But then she told me that she has a toy box. She loves toys. Again I am giggling thinking about MY toys. But I know she isnt talking about those, so I think she is just joking. But she just called me over to her desk to see her new toy. Sitting on her desk is a tiny plastic doll with a better wardrobe, cell phone and bag of accesories than I have. And she has this spread out like a little house. On her desk. I have so many things going through my head right now...
1)..I know personal items at the desk are permitted.. But where is the line drawn at?
2)..I know she has a volatile personality, but she plays with dolls.. Does this make her less of a safety hazard because she plays or more because she PLAYS with them.
3)..Secretly jealous.. I miss the days when role playing and talking to yourself wasnt sexual or scary. Just imagination.

 
Worker's Compensation
can a paper cut at work be considered a worker's comp injury? What if you are licking envelopes and get one on your tongue so you are unable to speak, therefore not able to answer phones. There has got to be a papercut clause somewhere!!!

 
Office Banter
Just one reason people need to speak specifically and slowly when in general ear shot of me.....
What should have been said......
Run down stairs and see if the lady with fed-ex will let you reopen the package so you can put the missing envelope in with the others...
What was said.. Why dont you go down and see if she will let you stick it in.


 
In my car, in a left turn lane at a red light, radio up loud enough to avoid hearing myself sing along. I reach for my cell phone in the seat next to me to answer the faint chiming I heard. Puzzling.....my phone wasnt ringing. Out of the corner of my eye I notice cars passing me and I realize the light had turned green about the time I suspected my phone was ringing. Understanding dawned as I noticed the impatient driver behind me through my rear view mirror. My phone wasnt ringing. The rude man to the rear had honked his horn at me indicating he wanted me to get the hell outta his way.
Now.. The question in my mind....
Is my cell phone ring really that obnoxious?
Or is his car horn really that pathetic?

 
The difference:
My buddy blogs some pretty good stuff. Check his on a daily sometimes double daily basis. He finds all sorts of wonderful articles and makes some of the wittiest, most clever remarks that have me laughing through out the day. However, yesterday, His posting sent me to a newspaper website....a well known... well respected source of important daily news..
I went straight the comics pages.
Am I avoiding reality? Or just not aware of it?

 
I ordered a chicken quesadilla. Plenty of sourcream, but no pico de gallo and no guacamole. Do I even need to say what I found when I opened the container? Yup.. Plenty of sourcream.. smack in the middle of a pile of Pico and Guac. And of course the guac and pico have to be space hogs.. They cant just sit prettily in their own little places to the left and right of the sourcream. They feel the need to mingle. I have pico in my sour.. and Guac in my cream. Kinda like when I was a kid and all I liked was the vanilla ice cream, but all they had was neopolitan and where was the vanilla? Not just squashed between strawberry and chocolate.. but swirled with it. I want whoever is behind this conspiracy to know.. YOU CANT MAKE ME TRY NEW THINGS BY CONCEALING THEM WITH THINGS I LIKE! I WILL NOT REFORM!!!

 
These rules were sent to me awhile ago by a guy friend who thought his friend was funny for even sending it. Yeah..I had a few comments to make.



1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
> [carrie says] unfortunately..he has a point here because in truth they are doing us a favor by lifting it in the first place..he could leave the seat down and then we risk sitting in nasty stuff if he misses.
> 1 . Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
> [carrie says] Not sure if we should give them this..Okay deal is...They get Sunday for sports if they give us Saturday shopping ALONE. They keep the kids on Saturday so we can do our stuff..and we will keep us and kids out of theirs on sunday.
> 1 . Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
> [carrie says] yeah he says that now..but Christmas shopping is not only a sport is it FULL contact competition. And all rules are gone!!!
> 1 . Crying is blackmail.
> [carrie says] and we will keep it as such cause ya'll still fall for it.
> 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
> [carrie says] true enough. Let's tell the guys exactly what we want. I want Diamonds for Christmas no smaller than half carrat for earrings or full carrat on a ring. I want you to pick it out and find something you KNOW I would like. You seem to keep tabs on everything in our closet since you can comment on it..you should know my tastes. Oh yeah..and I want another 2 inches and at least half inch thicker.
> 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
> [carrie says] We'll remember that next time you are begging for Blow Jobs.
> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
> [carrie says] True true true.. Men are the problem solvers.. they like to be the ones to fix things. So we can refrain from asking you the silly redundant questions and save them for our girlfriends.
> 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> [carrie says] A penis that can't last for more than 17 minutes is a problem. See a doctor.
> 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
> [carrie says] Nope..can't give you the seven day thing. You men have such short term memory that we still cling to hope that by reminding you of your past screw up we hope to break you of a habit that obviously causes us pain and in turn cuts down on YOUR sex life.
However we will keep the reminders to like events. If you got drunk and kissed another woman, we wont bring it up if your next mistake is forgetting My birthday..But CAN bring up the kissing thing if you come home with another woman's phonenumber.
> 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
> [carrie says] If you could afford to dress us as Victoria Girls and do your part to make us feel we BELONG in Victoria's clothing perhaps we would dress like that for you. IE...dont buy us something from there and then when we have it on say..."it didnt look like that on the model"
> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
> [carrie says] If you think you are bad in bed you probably are, so stop expecting us to fake the orgasms for your ego's sake.
> 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
> [carrie says] Solution to this..PAUSE. 2 seconds of thought can save that situation. Just learn to rein in your mouth till your brain has a look at.
> 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
> [carrie says] Agreed. We will stop asking if you know how if we already know how it is done. However, you are not allowed to stand by and laugh at us if we fail miserably because you were too damn stubborn to help us do it our way. If you know for a fact your way would be absolutely better then politely say.."hey babe..I got an idea to add to yours" we dont like to feel incompetant and any effort we exude in an other male catogory must be met with appreciation and interest.
> 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
> [carrie says] Learn the same..and dont ask for BJ's during half time anymore. We have shows we want to watch as well.
> 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
> [carrie says] Right you dont...That is what we women are for. Driving down the highway at 65 mph head out the window..I will scream at the cop passing by like a looney if it will get us where we need to go.
> 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
> [carrie says] Mauve is...well..Sorta...dunno..dont care. But!! You do know if something we are wearing makes us look dead or something. So while you may not know the color we are wearing you do know if you would take us home for sex.
> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
> [carrie says] So do we....So be grateful that we do shave..cause that shit itches when it is growing back.
> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
> [carrie says] Point taken and accepted. It goes along with the tell them what we want. Boys dont want to play games..this we can keep to our girlfriends.
> 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
> [carrie says] Hmmm...Difficult.. Sometimes we have to ask because our relationship hangs in the balance. so while we may not like the answer..sometimes we need it to leave your punk asses in the dust.
> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
> [carrie says] BULLSHIT!! Grocery store..gas station...fine...But party..dinner..parents house..places that put me, you and us as a couple under close scrutiny. Those are a required 4 outfit changes at least. We are doing this for the good of our social lives, not just to primp.
> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
> [carrie says] Generally speaking we can tell when you have other more amorous, or murderous thoughts in your head. I think this falls under the dont ask if we dont want the answer catagory.
> 1. You have enough clothes.
> [carrie says] Never..and neither do you !!!!
> 1. You have too many shoes.
> [carrie says] Never ..but you arent allowed to have more shoes than I have.
> 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
> [carrie says] Just remember the door swings both ways on that buddy. Want me to appreciate your shape?? dont constantly comment on other women's shapes who's might be more appealing to you than mine. That is instant ass whupping..if you get to be fat, i can add the extra 3 pounds.
> 1. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
> [carrie says] yeah...you boys like playing solo don't ya? Solution here girls? Send em to the couch..then pop in their favorite porno in the bedroom..take out your LOUDEST toy and go to town without him.

 
Her name was Lola...She was a Showgirl.....
Dat da da da dat dadadaaaaadaaaaa.........
Yeah..I have been bashed over the head by
the partial song lyric demon.

 
Husband took me out for a date last night. Perhaps my wifeliness from the previous evening put him in a good mood. Whatever the reason he took me to my favorite Irish Pub, where the service was mediocre and the food was nothing impressive. Leaving there unbelievably dissatisfied we headed to the movies where all was right again. I took Hubby to see Kill Bill. My second time seeing it was just as wonderful as the first time. I will hold to my previous critique...."THAT MOVIE KICKS ASS!!!"
The end

 
My husband tried to break my toes last night. Well perhaps it wasnt intentional, not the toe breaking part anyway....
For some reason at 10pm last night he walked out in the living room to tell me it was bed time. Excited at the prospect of getting laid I quickly followed him. Once in bed, lights off, TV off, Fan on I questioned my husbands intent for getting me into bed. I poked him.
"Are we having sex?"
"No"
"Then can I turn on the TV?"
"No"
"Then why did you drag me to bed?"
"Sleep"
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr......Leaning in steadily.. I flicked him in
the ear. There was no slow motion here. I never saw the heel my husband intended to embed in my thigh descending. I only know my toes on my foot got in the way. And I am now doomed to wear ugly comfortable shoes for at least a week.
And he isnt getting laid until then.

 
Sex is good... Sex is Great.. Sex alone is to masterbate!!!!!!

 
Yesterday was a horrible day for rain. I had on my new black pants that even with my 2 1/2 inch heels on still slightly skimmed the floor. And due to my current disability I had to wear the only comfortable open toed shoe I own so to make sure my broken toes werent being touched. I wore my favorite white button up dress shirt with the long cuffs and laced pattern front. And last night, as the rain came down in buckets, I had to walk across a down sloped parking lot full of potholes to my car, in my open toed shoes with my pants dragging in the puddles and I do not own an umbrella. Bad bad rain!!

 
Your know you are getting old when....
Your child almost pulls the phone cord out of a wall because they only ever used cell phones.

 
Appox one month ago......

Heckling men who can't beat me at a game of pool is unfortunately a favorite pass time for me. Down at the bar, across the street from the Base I am engaged in a rather pathetic game with a poor little drunk boy who cant hold his cue.. Or his alcohol. But, my roommate Rachel wanted to get out of the house for awhile. Needed a break. As surprisingly beautiful as she is, she also tends to be shy, Or perhaps subtle is a better word. I on the other hand, had No qualms about being the instigator this evening. So, when I arrived to find her sitting in a booth two down from the ONLY men in the bar our age, I walked straight over to their table instead of Rachels and sat down. Informing them right away that since we apparently are the only good looking people in the place, we needed to stick together for safety reasons. Games ensued. I started on the pool table and Rachel started on the cute quiet guy. Not a half hour later we were out of acquaintance land and swiftly entering "Coolpeopletohangwithville".
The little man, or The Legend as we like to call him, was polite and very cute.....Jolly Green we dubbed the tall quiet one because, well, he was ridiculously tall and we weren't feeling very creative. And finally there was the Can Opener. Never called these names to their faces mind you, but I don't believe I need to spell out why we chose that name for him.
Rachel is sitting in the booth with the Can Opener trying to cuddle up next to her, I am bending over the pool table lining up a shot, that I missed. Cursing and creating excuses for my missed shot to the drunk Legend with me, I stand up and look at Rachel to laugh at myself. Eye contact had me confused and her frozen. She was calling me over to the table with a look of fear on her face. Walking over from my place at the pool table located right in front of the main entrance to the back booth she was occupying I tried to ask her who was there when I was half way to the table. I could only think that her Ex-husband had walked in and she was trying to hide, because Rachel was literally squeezing herself into the corner. Reaching the table I start a turn to scan the bar and find who ever has shown up that has her in a panic when she tells me, "Sit Down". Puzzled I slide into the booth next to another girl who had joined us and again try to look around the bar. Quietly, a gasped whisper from Rachel, "That guy has a gun". Slowly things began to filter in. My first thought was that someone maybe had one hidden on them and she just kinda noticed it. That is my nature, I thought perhaps and off duty cop had come in and she glimpsed his weapon.
When I slightly cocked my head to the left and glanced at the bar I felt the panic start. All I saw was his back, but the bartender was frantically pulling the money from the register. There was one woman up at the bar sitting in the stool directly next to him. She had her head down. I noticed I was sitting on the edge of the booth. There was nothing between me and this guy with a gun. I thought to ask if the girl next to me would trade me places. Then discarded the idea for 2 reasons. I didn't want to draw attention to us, and, well I didn't think she would go for it. Then I remembered the guys, Jolly Green was still wandering with his back to the bar.. Reaching out without leaving the small safety of the booth I dragged him down next to me, Gauging his width and wondering if a bullet would pass through him. I wanted to hide under the table but again, draw attention to myself. I think we were all under the impression that if we all just pretended he wasn't there, then he wouldn't be. I don't remember hearing any music. I know we put money in the juke box, but I don't remember any music, I don't remember breathing. I just remember my thoughts, and I knew the exact moment that it was over and he had left. Rachel just broke down. She wanted to go outside for air, "No, just sit there for a few more minutes, we don't know how far he is gone and we don't want him thinking we are trying to find him". The bartender is in angry hysterics. "The second fucking time from the same guy and they wont do a fucking thing about it" As she phones the police. The guys we sat with were just understanding what had happened and the male dominance gene kicked in. "Why didn't you guys say something, We could have cracked him over the head with the pool cue or something." "Yeah, guys, we did everything we were supposed to do" .... Rachel is still about to hyperventilate. She saw the whole thing. Me at the table with my back to the door as he enters with the gun drawn, slowly pointing it around the bar area. He made eye contact with her and the gun was pointed directly at her, for even a split second. I never heard him say a word. The bar seemed completely silent. The power that gun gave him over the world at that moment was dramatic. Everything stopped for him. I don't know how much money he got, I don't know if he has ever been caught, Or has ever been caught in the past. But for perhaps 5 minutes I was the most selfish person in the world. Afterward I would think we all did the right thing, and that he wouldn't have shot anyone, If he wanted to cause a commotion he would have come in making noise and gotten money and jewelry from everyone in the bar.. But he came and went in what I recall as total silence. I just knew I was more important than anyone because I have my baby I had to get home to. I was the most selfish person in there, but at that moment when I knew panic, I knew I would do whatever, to get home safely.

 
I have 12 visible pictures of my daughter scattered throughout my office. Am I a proud mommy? Or narcissistic?

 
A little bit of knowledge for the men....
When we women are involved with you.. and happy to be involved with you.. you dont have to lie about your penis size. We women will lie for you. All of our friends will believe you have the perfect penis in the world. Because just as you feel the need to save face, so do we. Unless, Unless, unless.. You are smaller than average, but still capable of giving us the Multi-O. We like to brag about you as much as possible. So, if your package is less than adequete, learn to up-play your other abilities, such as....
Taking us shopping, holding hands, cooking dinner...
keep us happy and the world will believe you are a sex god.

 
I have discovered the purpose behind surface streets in Las Vegas. They were built for all the people who are incapable of speeds toping 35mph.

 
Read each item carefully, and think about it for a second or two.

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
(me say) Sounds awfully co-dependent to me.
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
(me say) Nice theory, but we don't normally realize who is and isn't worth our tears till after we shed them.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
(me say) Contradiction here.. Wait for it..
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
(me say) Bumper sticker better.. A true friend is someone who will help you hide the body.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
(me say) DING DING DING!! CONTRADICTION ALERT!
What did #3 say? Sounds like the list is getting a bit wishy washy on us here. Which is it buddy? Be okay with the love that is given? Or be in pain cause it's not returned?
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
(me say) Continually happy people with perma smiles are scary and in-sincere.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
(me say) Nice sentiment, until you are getting a restraining order.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
(me say) doesn't this go back to the whole #3 contradiction again? Someone needs to explain to me when it is okay to be half loved.
9. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
(me say) Again, this is just an attempt to bottle emotions. If something hurts, you cry, you release, otherwise, you fester and go postal on innocent co-workers who's only downfall was asking you where you wanted to have lunch that day.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
(me say) Blah Blah Blah.. I thought we were supposed to be loved for who were are. List is stupid.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
(me say) GAG!!!!! Yeah.. Then they run screaming the other direction because you have perma-smile, restraining orders slapped on you, serious co-dependency issues, extensive communications issues and you are in jail for the 2 co-workers and the innocent bagel boy who got in the line of fire. But hey, I'm sure the guard in the laundry room will make an excellent mate for ya.


PS.... Not feeling real cuddly right now.

 
I was heading into work this morning and from across the parking lot this guy waved to me. I know who he is, but I don't know him. He is the gay guy in the building who I often find myself traveling the elevator with, or sharing the smoking area with at lunch time. I don't believe we have ever said anything to each other. So I was caught with a dilemma this morning. He waved, from afar I knew who he was, but the possibility list scrolled like this....
He thinks I am someone else.
He saw me looking in his direction and automatically waved.
He recognizes me as someone he has seen and waved in that recognition.
Or... He recognizes me as someone he has seen and before he brain could process that we don't really know each other.. He waved.
My reaction....
I tuck my head down quickly as though I missed the gesture and busy myself with putting my jacket on. As I walk from 45 degree temp to 75 degree temp.. I busy myself with my jacket and slow my walk. Hoping perhaps he caught the elevator before I even get in the door. He didn't. And I spent the next 3.5 minutes avoiding eye contact cause I don't know if he is thinking, hey.. She ignored my wave... Or.. Hey.. I don't know her and now its very uncomfortable. Damn society and their etiquette of uncomfortable situations.

 
Office Banter
What should have been said...
I hope we can catch her before she calls the order for our Avon in, I forgot to write down the pair of pajama pants I wanted.
What was said...
I wanna catch her before she puts it in, I forgot to put my pants down.

 
* In my office alternating between the running man and the cabbage patch chanting like a mad woman *

Goin to Sandy-yeah-go Goin to Sandy-yeah-go

 
Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

- Anonymous

 
Office Banter.
Just so it is know that most everything I post as "What was said" Has been said in my office between my boss and another co-worker. Both females.
What should have been said...
Boss=Stop playing with the broken arm on the chair.
Cowo=But pieces of the wood have splintered and are
poking my skin.
Boss=Well that is because everytime someone sits in it they wiggle the arm and it rubs the wood causing it to splinter.
Cowo= I dont wiggle the arm when I sit it in.
Boss= I saw you wiggling the arms yesterday when you sat in the chair.

What was actually said...
B=Dont play with it
C=It keeps poking
B=well thats cause you keep wiggling on it
C=I didnt wiggle
B= I saw you wiggle on it yesterday

 
Written by buddy Ben...
What you need to know before reading this piece is that I had just finished telling Ben that my husband who is about 5 years older than me has told me on repeated occasions that when I turn 40 he is trading me in for two 20 year olds. Then Ben sent me this...
I laughed.


[Scene: Man takes Wife to Wife Store. Plops her up
> on
> the counter.]
>
> "Can I help you, sir?"
> "I want a younger model."
> "What's wrong with this one?"
> "Bitch don't work."

 
Note to self...
When taking surface streets to avoid a freeway mess also learn to avoid surface messes. 4 school zones and one railroad crossing does not make for a faster traveling route.
PS... man with mullet and truck driver's cap in a camero is not always going to be faster than the landscaping truck towing the trailer.
PPS.... Speeding ticket really slows down the whole process.

 
Anyone have cheese to go with my whine????



I had a bad day! it was stress stress stress.. all day long. I would go home and sink into a really really hot bath with bubbles and candles and a book and all the lights out and nobody else home. And maybe some Norah Jones or Jon Mayer playing in the back ground. However.. My bath tub is filthy because the drain is clogged. I have no bubbles left cause my daughter spilled them. Candles are little lights for two year olds to blow out and Light switches are just as fun to turn on as candles are to blow out. My house will be filled with husband and daughter. So...instead..
I am going to the bar tonight.. to drink cherry cokes, smoke cigarettes and sing karoake.

 
Karaoke night worked!!!! Much much better mood today. Shot some pool.. Lost!!!!!
Actually beat myself.. Sank the 8 before I meant to. I hate doing that. No cherry cokes last night though. Drank Smirnoff Triple Black, which I love anyway, but my bartendress added a hint of raspberry to it. Oh fuckin yum! I dont care how gay it sounds or I sound.. Oh fucking YUM!!!

 
Sent to me by Roommate Rachel.. Just liked it.


1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for the younger man. You might as well - they never mature anyway.
6. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
7. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
8. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
9. Sadly, all men are created equal.

 
I truly Truly believe Matt Damon is my soul mate... However...
Dear Dear Ben is my Guru. Everybody kiss Ben!!!!!

 
What I learned on my vacation to San-d Yeah Go!
1) Never ignore the crazy man who pulls along side you. Sometimes he isn't hitting on you, just trying to tell you your tire is going flat.
2) Road signs that say rail vehicles only are ways of deterring you from driving head on with a trolley car.
3) One way streets mean their way.. Not your way.
4) Ass Gaskets aka Sanitary Toilet seat covers, Are not reusable. So it is NOT polite to leave yours for the next person entering the stall.
5) Head lights directly in front of you probably means you are going the wrong way, not them. Either way you should move.
6) Never hop in the car in an unfamiliar city, begin driving then start laughing wildly as you chant, "I'm lost, I'm Lost.. I am so lost!"
7) If you think you have had too much alcohol, you probably have.
8) If your friend suddenly believes she is the dancing queen, take away her drink.
9) Loud, hairy, short Italian guys named Tony who laugh at their own jokes, generally are not funny.
10) Live clams found on the beach and left all day in the car does Not make a good air freshener.
11) Speeding up and down hills in the car is not as much fun as television would have us believe.
12) Surfing at 8 in the morning always sounds wonderful, until you realize it is 1 in the morning and you are still completely wasted.
13) Speaking a foreign language greatly deters invited but unwanted visitors at 8 in the morning.
14) Ghettos in San Diego are just as scary to walk through as ghettos in Vegas.
Last one for now...
15) It is difficult enough to put your own lipstick on in the middle of a drunken giggle fit. It is absolutely impossible for your friend to do it for you. Just count your losses, it's only gonna rub off any way.

 
"MMMMmmmmm..... Blueberry....."
A Poem by Carrie..

I wish I had a pie right now..
I want to throw it at a cow...

I'd count it a loss..
and give it a toss..
right in the face of my boss!

 
ATTENTION! ATTENTION! MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!?
I want to thank all of you for the faith you have had in me. It has not been an easy road to travel, but it has been conquered. The combined efforts of many have been thwarted by the persistence of one. And today, I come before you as the woman who found an alternate way to work that completely avoids school zones and railroad crossings. And though the freeway today was backed up with a major accident. I made it to work on time.
Thank you all! Thank you!!

 
I want my teddy bear
I just did something that I haven't done since high school. And I am so appalled at myself for it. I don't know if it is the hormones from the new birth control, or the fact that I have the worlds worst toothache and the entire side of my face is throbbing along with my ear. I don't know if I am just at my last straw or what. But I heard my boss call my name in that, ohshityoufuckedupagain, tone. I went into her office found out that I had made another mistake and just started crying. I don't remember that last time something like that happened. But I am so tired. I cant handle being told I keep screwing up anymore. The thing is that I am. I have been making the mistakes. They are fixable things, but they are my fault. And I just burst out in tears. And it wasn't in attempt at pity, or wanting to keep my job. I just couldn't take anymore. I broke. I felt completely defeated, and ultimate frustration at my lack of abilities. I am a grown woman, I don't cry at work, especially not when in confrontation with my boss. I feel so weak right now. And my tooth really really hurts.
Anybody got an extra set of arms I can borrow? I need a hug, a warm, wrap both arms around, tell me everything is going to be alright and make me believe it type of hug.

 
Patents from the beyondEver feel that there is some ghost working against you? Perhaps a playful poltergeist who just loves picking things up and hiding them behind its back. Or even removing words from a page of paper. You search and search for the information that you know should be there upon first investigation of that page, thorough investigation of the page. When you finally give up on finding the much needed information on that sheet of paper you get it through other means, Only to turn back to the original page and find the hidden criteria in plain site. I believe ghosts carry special erasable white out. I would love the formula for it.

 
Thanksgiving lessons
1. No matter my mood, serenade of the isty bitsy spider by my baby girl makes it all better.
2. Under cooked Candied Yams take off like a missile when the knife slips off the side.
3. Belching at the table is not an American way to say.. Ooohhh good food.
4. Olives make great finger toys, but pay heed to the finger inside before they become finger foods.
5. Cranberry sauce makes great hair gel to a two year old. Mashed taters work as well and carry a more textured look.
6. The Original Super Mario Brothers Three is still a fun game, even better when you can beat all the levels the first try while the 8 year old game whiz looks upon you with awe and wonder.
7. After dinner naps are more important to the grown ups than to the children.
8. Fun Leftover Turkey Ideas should never include shredding the white meat and
using it as replacement hair on your bald uncle. If it does.. Get before and after pictures.
9. The day after shopping holiday is rigged to only have the thing YOU want for yourself on sale. After all.. Doesn't everything look better on me? Especially when it's on sale.
10. Never NEVER tell me that credit card is an option if my paycheck wont cover everything I need. Cause I am SURE I will eventually NEED the top of the line coffee grinder/shaving kit.

 
Sappy moments
Click here for
sappyquotes.


Rachel sent me this link and dammit.. I'm feelin kinda mushy this morning so..
If anyone needs some horribly pathetic quotes on lost love, something to help you
cry in your wheaties..check it out.
P.S. BEN!! LOOKAME LOOKAME!!! I HTML'D!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!

 
Tidbits...
1. Did you know that on the blogger spell check.. "blog" pops up as an unknown word.
2. Victoria's Secret new catalogue is selling hooded pj's. Why? Sleeping in t-shirts is annoying enough, waking up in a twisted mess. Now they are giving us something to wrap around our necks while we sleep? Victoria's secret? She's a masochist.
3. Freeway exit I use every night has been occupied for the past 5 months by 2 older men bearing signs saying stranded. Last night, they had a woman holding the sign. I cant decide if they are equal opportunists? Or sexist exploiters.

 
Discussion time...
Searching for my next victim on the yahoo personals I have approached a wall that requires explanations from men in order for said wall to be breached. I believe many of the men advertising on the personals ads are being safe. And the ad site itself is not giving enough options. After the victim..uh..Male.. Has blathered about himself for a period of time he is required to include his list of attractive characteristics regarding the opposite sex. There are about 30 some odd questions listed. I don't believe, in Vegas mind you, I have found a man who has answered more than 5 of those requirement questions. One question that is always answered though? Body type. And do you know that the answer for the past 54 guys have all been... Slim, Athletic or Average. Men want Skinny, Athletic or average women. I'm not even going to go into the array of arguments I can compile against the order the choices are in. But I am going to point out that Average is smack in between Athletic and A few extra pounds. Like we chicks don't have enough complexes with our Fashion magazines. But now... We have to categorize ourselves as Average or A few Extra pounds?????? And seriously guys.. Chickens! Explain Average. What is Average? Cause you all know that word is a safety net. "Keep the fat chicks happy and say we like average women...Then let the women.. Who already have a variety of wonderful eating and emotional disorders decide, where the line between Average and A few Extra Pounds really is."
So.. Here is it guys. Give it to us straight. What's Fat? And what's acceptable? Come on.. We are completely without Identity here. Explain the line.

 
The Return of Attila
Yesterday was so nice. No Boss, no owner. Spent all day blogging and increasing my high score on Collapse. And then today.. She came back. And I have shut both doors to my office in a feeble attempt to pretend all is wonderful for just one more day.... Not working.

 
In the eye of the beholder...
Have you ever held, in the palm of your hand, a piece of something that was so beautiful you knew you would have to put it down eventually? Something so complete in it's perfection for you, that you knew it would have to be shared with others. Let's say, I encountered an angel. Better yet, let's say I had my turn. This angel has always been there, unknowingly doing her work. Making people beautiful. She is one of those oh so precious gifts that all too often people take for granted. And rather than appreciate the time she has for them, they become hateful and jealous because she is taken away. Something so wonderful, with so much unconditional love to give. When she is yours, she is yours completely. And when it is time to step back, it is hard to do so gracefully. Yet I know my time with her is coming to a fade. Not exactly an end, because she will always be present, but just not completely for me anymore. I felt loved by her, attractive to her, wanted with her, dependent upon and most of all special. But that is her gift. Some people would scorn her as flighty or even non-committal. And she is, not because she is incapable, but because she is looking for her perfect fit. The one that will always fit. And when she, this creature who gives beauty, does truly fade from me I will let her go with love and appreciation. Because that is what you do when you find something so wonderful, you let the world love it as well.

 
A Truly Religious Experience.
The gods, all of them smiled on me last night. Christ, allah, buddah, goddesses and the lesser gods. All of them loved me for a half hour last night. After a grueling hour drive home I walked in the door at 6 O'clock, and remembered I hadnt taken anything out for dinner. Asked Hubby if he wanted pasta, of course he doesnt, he never does. Asked him if I should heat up frozen pizza, his answer (from the couch) is naw. He doesnt want to cook, I dont want to cook. He suggests Chinese. I love Panda. However, at 5 minutes past 6 on a Wednesday night the line is already out the door. Hell I can practically see it from my house. A memory brightens my little lightbulb and I run to the refridgerator where the new Panda Delivery Magnet waits. I dial, they answer, "$15.00 minimum order, $1.50 charge and Cash only". For tonight.. I dont care! I will over order to make it to my limit and I will break the piggy bank to make sure I have the cash. Thier building is literally a block from my house. I confirm with hubby and tell the kind gentleman I am ready to order when he stops me dead, "There is a 45 minute to an Hour wait on delivery right now".
Hell that just totally blew up in my face! I grab at my keys and purse simultaneously and tell him, the drive there and the line is still shorter than the hour wait. Just as I am about to Huff, the wonderful man on the other end of the line says the most magical words I have heard in years. "Give me your order ma'am and when you come in just walk up to the register".. Music.. Choirs of Angels. Rays of Light pour forth from the heavens as I recite my order for under $15.00, hop into my car, drive around the corner, walk past the line to the smiling man at the counter. The entire process took less time than if I had walked in to an empty Panda and ordered one meal. Bless the Panda.

 
So many levels of wrong... Dear Dear Roommate Rachel decided I needed a good laugh this morning. It worked. I laughed

 
Straight past senile to ingenious?
He was wearing a dirty ball cap, big baggy shit green jacket and had a cane. With his thumb in the air he stood under the busstop sign. Perhaps he didn't realize the bus would stop for him even without signaling that he needed a ride. Perhaps he didn't notice that he was standing under an actual Bus Stop. Or perhaps he just wanted the comfort of a warm car and someone kind enough to give him a ride. But at my stop light view, I watched the bus pull up to the stop and the old man chase it away with his cane, and stick his thumb back out. Determination, the downfall of senior citizens today? Or just a way to feel in control again?

 
Smoking = Stress
I am a smoker. Let me state that first. I have quite many times and started back up. Mostly at the bar. If I'm shooting pool I need a drink and a cigarette, perhaps I've watched too many movies. Anyway, Friday night Rachel convinces me to go out to our local hang out. Seriously, she twisted my arm, I have bruises to prove it. I arrive with only 2 cigarettes and 20 bucks to my name. The sweet lady in the bathroom holds purses and jackets for a tip. I give her 5, she's a nice lady. So I am down to $15. For some reason this evening I am talked into drinking. I don't really want one, but I also want to try to get into the swing of things. So, I pay the 6.75 for my triple black. I tip my bartender and walk away from the bar with 6.25 in my pocket. Give me an hour and I am out of Cigarettes. I had been eyeing the new evil cigarette vending machine since I walked in. It was foreign. It doesn't belong. It wasn't one of the normal short squaty ones, but a full size vendor that should hold candy. 5 bucks. Well, it's too damn cold to go outside and walk across the parking lot and the street to pay 3.75 anyway. In go my singles. Push a button and.. Nothing. Indicator light flashes that I need to pick another selection. No problem, my ultra lights take up and entire row. Yeah, and entire row of indicator lights going off at me. Fine.. Fine.. I'll smoke the regular lights. My choice is accepted and spin spin goes the spring holding the box and.. Stop. No fall, no push, just... Stop. My pack will not fall. I really am trying to look dignified, I don't want to be one of those people who beat up a defenseless machine. Instead I head to the bar to let my bartender in on the dilemma. I am then told to talk to the bouncer so he can call the company that the machine belongs to. He basically tells me the guy never shows when he is called so I am out 5 bucks. No, let us get you a drink, or we'll buy you a pack. They are not responsible for the machine so they don't have to reimburse me. I am angry now. I need a cigarette. Stalking to the bathroom for my purse, I dig out my car keys and the little change I have and into the night. At my car I dig in every change outlet I have and finally have enough to purchase that pack of smokes I am now dying for. I pass the bar again walk through the side parking lot and up the drive way to the corner store. I spill my car bank on the counter and tell the nice lady I need cigarettes, that the stupid machine next door ate my money, so please forgive the nickels and pennies. We laugh as she tells me they have had 3 other people tonight come over cause that happened. Apparently the machine is greedier than a street corner Santa. Then as she passes me the box she stops in mid hand off. Do you have ID? Oh my god I ready to scream. I am obviously not 18... She knows that I came over from the bar next door. I don't argue, I don't fight.. I walk out. My ID is in my purse at the bar still. And I am giving up. I reach into my pocket and figdet for the key to put it back in my purse. Pause, Panic, repeat. I locked my keys in my car. Completely locked in my car. Rachel had to drive me all the way home to get my spare key then bring me back. Bad bad night, bad bad smoking habit.

 
Mention?
Did I mention that on Saturday evening after picking up dinner I hit a woman jay walking across the street? Long story short... She tried to dart across the street as I was getting into a turn lane, she ran out from behind a van, we didn't see each other then she was up on my windshield and on the ground. She stood up and ran off. I, along with 5 other people called the cops and in the end, she refused medical attention and ended up with a jay walking ticket. I, on the other hand, smoked an entire pack of cigarettes in a 3 hour time frame, don't remember smoking them, but the pack is gone. And.. I am in the clear. Thank god for witnesses who stick around.

 
Addiction...
Hello, I am an email-aholic. My radio on full blast during my drive home last night, I'm singing along and dancing. When suddenly... *BING!*. I begin searching for the new email that just hit my inbox. Musicians should not be allowed to sample computer sounds on their songs.

 
New luggage...
a) Lost Lost Lost
b) excuse me, did you lose something?
a) I Lost benlau
b) Did you not put him away yesterday?
a) I did, I tucked him neatly in my purse.
b) Did you latch your purse?
a) I did not latch my purse.
b) So you lost Benlau. He ran away?
a) Perhaps I should have bought the bigger purse.
b) Possibly, more room.

 
Perhaps she needs an inner hearing aid?
I deeply despise how Attila is so clueless to her own flaws. She becomes so irate and mystified that anyone could or would possibly talk down to her, yet she never hears the condescension in her voice when speaking to the world. Perhaps it is an extension of your voice on the radio phenomenon. "Oh my GOD! I don't sound like that!" When hearing a play back of yourself on an answering machine or stereo. Perhaps she really hears her own voice so completely differently in her own head that she doesn't realize three-fourths of her oxygen is used belittling everyone around her. Geez, if it really can be that extreme perhaps I better stop singing.

 
Huh? What? Why?
I just got this great new jacket. Dark chocolate leather with cream inner fur lining it, zips up in a diagonal fashion with a strip of leather to tie as a belt. Even has a wonderful fur lined hood. What it doesn't have is any buttons. Not one. So imagine my surprise and confusion when reaching into my pockets to pull of the little inedible packets of silica and find the tiny plastic bag with not one but two buttons. One large button that would be seen on the outside of the jacket and one tiny one used to fasten the inside. Mystified I remove my jacket and begin a thorough investigation. Nope. Nothing that buttons anywhere to be found. Perhaps it is a standard issue button and all jackets receive them. Perhaps it is cheaper to include them in each pocket rather than sift through and segregate the buttoned from the buttonless. Perhaps some tired factory worker tried to liven his day by playing a joke? Really! Someone.. Please.. Explain these buttons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
Wow..blonde moment...
Red Said: Boys are stupid! Throw rocks at them.
I Said: HEE HEE! That is what my shirt says.
Red Said: I have a tank that says that.
I Said: A TANK!?! OH I WANT ONE!!! Does it come complete with a little plastic boy toy and rocks to fire at him through the large cannon???
Red Said: What are you talking about?! A tank TOP, Nerd.
I Said: Oops.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004
 
Eve of...
4 more hours then I am off work until 8am on Thursday morning.
This little geek went to market..
This little geek stayed home..
This little geek had roast beef..
This little geek had none...
But this last little geek.. She stayed at home all day on Wednesday to watch the extended versions of the first two Lord of Rings movies, before eating a nice dinner and attending the 7pm showing of the third and final movie in this great epic. Already got my tickets too.. Its okay.. You can be jealous of the queen geek. Nice thing is.. I am a sexy geek.

 
nuttin funny...
I'm really not in the entertaining type of mood this morning. I am however in the hide any objects with a sharpened point mood. I expect to dislike at least one person I work with. I am adult enough to understand that everyone has someone they work with who makes the day tedious at best. Why does the adult job have to equal stress? I'm going back to preschool where the only job I had to worry about was clearing my plate after lunch and being quiet during nap time, which was never easy for me. I want to run on the play ground and chase boys, and come up with imaginary games that only I understand. I want to be able to toss sand in the face of the kid who I don't like and only get a time out for it. And I want a juice box and pretzels at 3pm and I don't wanna hafta share em. But for now I will close both doors to my office and settle for making funny faces at woman currently damning my life right now and possibly color a nice picture. That's it.. I'll draw a cute little female dog and name it Attilla.

 
Desperate measures...
Apparently advertising garage sales on cardboard boxes filled with rocks are now outdated. Driving to Mom's house this weekend I saw a computer tower with Yard Sale written on the side of it. It was an old one, probably something we had in schools in the 90's, but it was definitely a foot and half tall computer. I followed the sign, I had to. And at the next corner found another computer with the same message. Following the computers instructions, cause they are always right, I turned the corner and figured out exactly what was going. The card board boxes weren't on the street corners giving directions, because they were in the yard selling themselves for 50 cents or 75 cents. I counted 10 boxes in all, and it was sad pathetic site. I mean what could possibly happen to these poor harmless boxes that would cause them to search for new homes. Then the Sheppard Puppy came bounding out the door and lifted it's leg on one.

 
Suck it up?
Yeah, no one laugh at me okay? But 62 degrees is fucking cold! Keep the cold air outside I want my house at 73 during winter. But the heater is broken and my house was 62 degrees. And my hubby wanted to turn the fan on. My only fault was buying him one of those remote control fans. Yeah, It got unplugged last night with threats of hog tying him with the cord if he plugged it in again.

 
How intuitive my 2 year old is...
In the car, on the way to daycare this morning....
BabyGirl: Mommy? What is Sleeping Beauty's name?
Me: Her name is Aurora.
BabyGirl: What is Cinderella's name?
Me: I don't know baby, what is Cinderella's name?
BabyGirl: Um, Cinderella?
Me: That's right.
BabyGirl: I know Snow White's name!
Me: You Do? What is it?
BabyGirl: Hi Ho!

Come on.. The chick did live with 7 midgets

 
Ho Ho Ho.. Christmas Woes...
Santa has brought a new Trampoline for my children to enjoy this year, all we have to do is set up.
Jesus sent us a nice winter shower to muddy up our backyard, where the trampoline is to be placed.

Apparently, Christmas is a battle ground between church and state.

 
Really too funny to pass up... Rachel sent me this and I felt the need to share it..
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the
animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is
punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is
prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only
see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?)
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also
applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with
a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than
"going blind!")

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and
deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the
first time...Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly
forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any
job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the
other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical
fish stores. (But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first
time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes
one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and
her daughter at the same time. ( I presume this was a big enough problem
that they had to pass this law?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one
exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in
places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Who volunteers
for this stuff?)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is
that why Flipper was always smiling?)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hummm....I won't touch THAT
one!)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight
and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking
little bottles of...? -- did the govt pay for this research??)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.)
Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too)
And, the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts. (Do you
think they have bad breath

 
Snowball's chance in hell? Not too bad... I really wish I could just give my input and feeling to my Guru today. And then he could work up an entire piece that is fitting for such a day. Something poignant and interesting. But I fear I am alone in this, well, with the exception of the entire city of my home town. It snowed. Or as Guru would put it, it snew. Most of you know about snow. You have drove through it on a regular basis, shoveled it, crashed a car because of it. But we Vegas folk, well, snow is the pretty white stuff on top of the mountain that rich people visit at the ski resort. It hasn't snowed here in 7 years. I know because the last time it did, I wrote about. I'll post that one here as soon as I can find the notebook it was in. But that I wrote about it the last time it happened seven years ago should tell you just how unreal an event this truly is. But last night was better than the last time. I woke up this morning with a couple inches of white blanket. Generally everything in Vegas gets dirty and brown and grey, this was white, just white. I was excited because my car was covered in snow. Not frost, a couple of inches of soft powder. The grass and top of my house, my tree and bushes. The street was clear as were the side walks, but the yards and cars were liberally dusted. And it was so pretty. I wanted to call in for a snow morning, yes, just the morning, cause my this afternoon all the snow will be gone again. My baby got to see and play in snow for the first time today. I wish I could post the pictures for you to see. Her first red cheeks and shaking little hands, the tiny footprints all over our yard. I know for those who see it on a seasonal basis, snow, while still pretty, is a pain in the ass. But for those of us who are required to use desert landscaping in our new housing communities, snow is magic. So magical in fact, that people didn't bother to wipe off their cars. I couldn't count how many cars still had back windows and side windows covered. Perhaps that would account for the 6 accidents this morning just on my way to work alone. But who cares. It's snow. If they wipe it off it may insult the snow angels that worked so hard to put it there. And the palm trees. It was NOT still snowing when I got up and drove to work. So the fact that the casinos were also covered in patches was amazing. I have never, in the 26 years I have lived here seen snow on the famous Strip. But there is was, in patches on the Pirate Ship in front of the Treasure Island Casino. Can you understand this people? See? I knew I should have asked Benlau to write this for me.

 
Elementary school...
This radio station isn't just playing old school.. They are taking me back to 3rd gradish.
You Be Illin, and It Takes Two. Great hip hop station playing the 300 best hip hop/RB songs ever. I am grubbin on this, nothing like swivel chair dancing at work. OH !!!
Knockin Boots!!!! God this is bad ass! I don't care how inarticulate and simple minded I may sound. Yo! Dis shit is off da Hook!! Okay, I got carried away. But this is the music that takes me back to the specific places in time. I love that we can do that, regress for a moment to enjoy or panic one more time. I like being me.
Tootsie Roll followed immediately by Do Me! Remember that song? "The time was six o'clock on the swatch watch"... Okay.. raise your hand if you had a swatch watch. I think I owned like 6 over the course of a year or so. The plastic band with the swirls of color. Those were my favorite. Ah... This is so nice, I wanna go roller skating. Actually, No, I dont. I hated all that stuff. I wasnt a cute girl, I wasnt even part of the on the rim crowd. Not anything really. Non-descript, except that I was one of only thirty-five. So, you get noticed, whether or not you want to. It wasnt that I was picked on relentlessly or anything, but I was just there. Nothing special to anyone, not affecting anyone. Even when I started doing theatre, suffice it to say, my younger years I was just out of place. Maybe, ...OH SHIT!! "OH BABY YOU!! YOU GOT WHAT I NEED! BUT YOU SAY HE"S JUST A FRIEND" Sorry.. musical moment... Uh.. Maybe that is why I am so determined to get along with everyone. K.. all done for the moment. I have a completely seperate tangent I need to go off on.

 
Huh?? Why say "Cash money?" I have never heard anybody say, "And I want you to pay me Cash Sea Shells or Cash Buttons". Are there really people out there who need that extra assurance?

 
So much pain...So little killer...
Okay.. I'm dyin here. I have a tooth that broke, really don't need to get into the how's of the whole situation. Just know that I have a broken tooth. And I was fine for the past week or so, waiting for insurance to kick in and there wasn't any pain, yet. I am currently popping advil every 2 hours and 2 Percocet every 4 or so. So now I am high and feeling goofy with this excruciating pain that is pulsing along the roof of my mouth up into my skull and stabbing ruthlessly with needles into my gum line. Drugs aren't helping, and though I finally have my insurance resolved, they cant see me until Wednesday. Meanwhile, I swear I am hearing snapping and popping internally that I just know is blood vessels exploding in my brain. So, if I disappear suddenly I am either in the hospital for overdosing on Motrin and Percocet or, I am dead. Rest assured, If I am dead, I loved most of you very deeply, Wanted to sleep with at least half of you, and considered friendships with about 3 of you.

 
Miss something???
Okay.. I think I missed a generation rejuvenation.. So somebody please tell me when and how Oversized acid washed jean jackets covering rolling stones T-shirts topped off with a early Michael Bolton haircut and Ray Bans came back into style enough to be worn in public on a day other than Halloween.

 
Workin 9 to 5... I have finally decided that music is just a distraction to me at work. Well at least music from musicals. I currently have The Chicago Soundtrack and The Moulin Rouge Soundtrack playing. And for some reason, I cant just sing along, I want to dance! Like I am on the stage with them, I'm the lead or a chorus girl. I dont care, I just wanna sing and dance. "No, I'm no one's Wife, But OOOH I Love my LIFE.. and ALLLLLLL THATTTTT
JAZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Quick!! Somebody dance with me!!!

 
Undesirables in great demand... Nothing melds the transition from work week to weekend like a Cordial Cherries fight at the end of the day. One word of advice, once the wrapper opens and the chocolate coating has been cracked, it is probably in your best interest to throw it away and find a new one. Standing on a chair to look down into a co-worker's cubicle so you can bounce it precisely in her hair, where it splats and oozes is probably not the best way to insure a non-hostile working environment. Running and blaming on your boss doesn't help either.

 
Fire the Coordinator!!
I want to know who is at the top of the frickin phone tree. Who is the damn person who started the call to every single safe driver alive in Vegas today. Where is the bitch that told EVERY SINGLE safe driver exactly where I would be at what time, so they could get in front of me and do the speed limit. I need to find that bitch, cause we are having words.

 
Pray, Cross, Burn something!!!!!!!
Alright, I'm at work. And today, I have to convince my boss to let me have 5 days off of work, so I can go to Mardi Gras. And anyone who has read any of my blogs knows how scared I am right now. Especially if Attilla walks through the door in a bad mood. So, anyone, anyone at all that believes in God, or Magic, or is superstitious. Do whatever praying, finger crossing, incantioning mojo jojo that you have. Cause I HAVE TO GO!!!!! I want to log back on here tomorrow doing my happy dance and singing. Cause the bottom line here folks. I already bought my airline tickets. Yeah yeah.. no lectures. Not my brightest moment, but certainly one of my most excited!

 
Generally speaking...
I am beginning to think I live in a universe where everything being told to me is false. At least, anything being told to me by the people who are supposedly in the news medium. I am used to the weather man being wrong, in fact I bank on it. But the little man in the helicopter, flying over the freeway giving the traffic report, he should be right. From his view directly over the freeway, I should be able to take his reports as golden and follow them accordingly. But this morning, when he told me that the freeway was clear up until one exit before mine, I gleefully turned my car into the on ramp, and stopped. My on ramp is approximately 9 exits from the off ramp I use for work. NINE! I should have had a smooth commute up until number 8, instead, I battled a Semi-truck for a place at least ON the road. So, I am coming to the conclusion that the news media is false. And perhaps all those things they tell us, isn't true. Elvis isn't dead, Michael Jackson isn't a pedophile freak and George W. Bush isn't president. I am clinging to the hope that I am right, makes the world a better place.

 
Circulate and spread....
I have just been informed that during my trip to Mardi Gras I will be attending a formal party. Very red carpet event where I must remain civilized and play at being upper crust. I can handle this, I am not scared of this challange. I do ask for one boon in exchange for me being on my best behavior when surrounded by celebrities and society. Matt Damon. I need anyone who could possibly read this to pass it along to whomever will pass it along and so forth. Come people, six degrees of seperation. Someone I know, knows someone who has a round-about route to Matt Damon. Tell him to be there. Just open up all the potentials on your grape vine and send the word out that I promise to be absolutely radiant and proper, as long as he comes to the party at Mardi Gras. Now then, I dont know the name of the party, or even what night it is on. But I do know it is one of those parties where you can't buy tickets, and is exclusive. So, send the word out. Matt Damon needs to attend the big exclusive affair at Mardi Gras, so that I may have an actual conversation with him. I promise to be the pillar of un-impressed with his status. I will not beg for autographs or pictures. But a conversation with him would be a dream.
I will see him across the room, and wait for a moment when he is alone. Then I will glide up beside him, smile a bit with a coy glint in my eye and say..."Excuse, I just have one question.", Possibly annoyed that someone he doesnt know is looking to interact with him, he will smile politely and nod, urging me to continue so that I can leave quickly. I proceed with, "Do you shoot pool?" He is taken aback for a moment and answers with a slight nodding yes. "Do you shoot pool well?" He finds his voice enough to say, "Yeah, I'm okay at it." A devilish gleam lights my eyes and I raise eyebrows in unasked question as I politely thank him and walk away.
See? Just a dream. But I am a dreamer and those are the things I do.

 
Few things better...
Than the Office Depot man walking into our office unnoticed as my Co-worker yells across the office at my boss. "Yeah you big porn star freak"...

 
That thingy....
There are probably hundreds of people who will want to kick my ass for calling THIS PARTY,that thingy. But really.. I can't spell the name and I don't want to try. Just looking at the pictures from last year, and reading about the parades and celebrations. I got tired...And my feet started to ache from the new shoes I am going to buy. But my stomach is flip flopping with anticipation and the cheeseburger I ate at McDonald's today. Rachel's brother emailed her to let her know he got us the tickets to the party. One month.. One month...One month... IS IT FREAKIN FEBRUARY YET???

 
This weekend.. Was a rousing success. I absolutely adore having poker nights at my house. All our friends gather in. I get to play hostess who makes pounds of greasy chicken wings and finger foods for a bunch of rowdy men. I get to have their wives and my girlfriends over to eat comfort food and paint toenails while watching chick flicks. And my children have an endless supply of friends to play with. No one is at the bar being obnoxious, No one feels left out or self-conscious, And no one is bored and ready to go home. I love having my house filled that way. It just feels complete. A house full of noise and laughter. Friendships. I need those. I need people. Funny though, how insignificant things then, don't seem so now. High School and college, I never had a crowd. Not the jocks or the geeks or the sluts or the.. Well you get the idea. I had one or two constant friends. I wanted in one of the groups, but I didn't even rate a status. So I clung to the deep friendships I was able to forge and you know what? Those two friends.. The one in High School and the one in College. I still have them. And I have another one to add to them. It seems the phases of my life are marked by the beginning of a profound friendship, that fits the stage I am in. But those friendships grew with me, and I with them. But back in the early days, I wanted so deeply to be wanted and accepted. Now, as I try, many times floundering, to be an adult, I try to think of those few years as nothing to concern myself over. Only maybe I should. If I was part of any of those groups, would I be able to keep and separate and understand the depths of the relationships I have with my friends? Would I be able to appreciate them as people I will have in my life forever, and keep them separate from the new friends I drag into my house on a Friday night? Or the new people I chat so easily with now at the bar? There are boundless people I call friends, but I completely understand the differences between them. My best friends, who there is nothing hidden from them, who know me inside and out and will never judge because they just love me for everything as I love them. There are my friends in the time, the ones I am grateful for, but that I know will eventually go their own ways. And that's okay because for the moments in time we had what we needed. There are also the brief friends, the ones you meet with at the same place, but never really outside of that place. Your friendship is locked in a location, because outside of that location you don't know if you will have anything in common. Then there are the internet friends. People you have never looked at face to face in real life, but some of them know and share intimate parts of you. I guess what I am getting at is the value of friendship, and the levels of friends. And how feeling so insignificant as a young girl to the people outside my family, did shape my attitude and character to the outside world as a struggling adult.


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