Something I wish I hadn't said to my boss...
"Are you kidding? That is my skill! I live for them! Hell.. I am the Queen of Spread Sheets"
- posted by Carrie @ 3:41 PM|

 
One potato, Two potato
Is a bag of potato chips a proper side dish for a Baked potato for lunch?
Apparently my favorite deli thinks so.. I didnt order them, but I definately
received a starch fest for lunch.
- posted by Carrie @ 8:55 AM|

 
ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!
I haven't been around for awhile.. I know this..if you were to look in my drafts folder you would see about 4 unfinished blog entries from the last week. Sorta a sarcastic block running in my head and I can't quite get the barrier down. However, I need to make a statement. I will be equal here, eventually, but you men are cracking me up!!!!!!!!!!

I was chatting online with a swinging girlfriend of mine. She's in California so the odds are nothing will ever happen really, however she's a kick ass person and we love to laugh and talk. The other day while chatting her husband signed on from a different location and started up a conversation with me. I asked him to give me a minute because I was still in a heated debate with his wife. His reply was suggestive.. "Baby, I'll give you hours and hours". I had to chuckle, for one this type of reply is pretty commonplace in online chatting, and for two this is probably only the second time I've ever spoken with her husband. So I LOL'd back at him and said he wouldn't know what to do with me for hours and hours.. (again, standard reply to standard comment). To which he told me.. I've got oral skills that would blow you away. Again I LOL'd him and said basically.. Oh really? You think you have skills huh?, because by this time.. I already know exactly what his next comment will be. And it was.. and THIS is the point of my fed-up-ed-ness. He simply answered.... Well, I've never had any complaints.
OH MY LORD STOP THE PRESSES! No complaints huh? So this man has never had a woman stand up in the middle of sex and say.. This sucks I'm leaving. Or as she's putting on her clothing to leave comments how She really didnt have a good time, thanks anyway but I wont be back. He's never had any complaints. Because of course if Men are receiving a blow job, and the woman isn't exactly skilled.. You all will always stop us right? Is my point becoming clearer? I am not mocking his skills. He may be an absolute oral sex god!!! But if I had a nickel for ever man who's defense regarding his sexual skills was "I've never had any complaints", I could buy more shoes than Sara Jessica herself. I'm not here to tear a man or men in general down. I dont want to bruise any egos, I just want to fill you in on something here. Women talk. If you're bad in bed, we aren't going to complain to you because that would force us to be in contact with you again. We WILL however tell ALL of our girlfriends and the chick at the check out counter. See... If you are getting a blow job.. you wont stop us right? Cause Hey... It's a blow job. But you won't call us back either... So I think the key is....your new phrase should be...
"They keep coming back for more"
- posted by Carrie @ 9:28 AM|

 
Bar noises....
I heard them behind me at the bar and while I wasn't able to hear the entire conversation, the parts I could had a heated arguement in the beginning stages.
Her - "I gave you plenty of options, you just didn't want to take the time to consider them"
Him - "You always do this"
Her - "I went over all this before"
Him - "If you expect me to do that then you are going to have to deal with how I do it."
Him - "Why do we have to do all this again?"
Her - "Because you can't get it right"
Him - "Can you please lower your voice"
Her - "I just think I want more than you are willing to give me"
Him - "This won't change anything"

At which point, my hubby turns looks at me and questions...
"Blind date?"

I rolled my eyes.. but just had to giggle.. Sometimes.. hubby has a very dry sense of humor.
- posted by Carrie @ 9:06 AM|

 
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!!
In honor of this V-day.. and in recognition that many people dislike cupids and hearts and all that mush.. I've compiled a list of alternative V-day celebrations......
So.. Let's Celebrate...

V-day... Vagina Day!!!
Celebrate the gateway of life, the key hole to a man's satisfaction, the unique-ness that is woman, the flow of renewal, the hidden secrets that poets and artists have worshipped since the beginning of time!

V-day... Venereal Disease Day!!!
Celebrate NOT having one. Celebrate getting tested for one. Celebrate being treated for one. Celebrate for protecting yourself against them. Celebrate for being honest with past lover's about one.

V-day... Victor / Victoria Day!!!
Celebrate your inner woman or inner man. Try and convince people are you something other than what you really are.

V-day... Vin Diesel Day!!!
Celebrate your own bald head and hulking muscles. Ladies.. grab a bald head and broad chest. Be sure to have the tiny sunglasses though.. and the WAY too tight shirts.

V-day... Vertigo Day!!!
Not the SONG! Celebrate the sensation. Dizzy, Lightheaded... a confused disoriented state of mind. Enjoy it! Spin with it people, there's nothing quite like being out of your mind.

V-day... Variety Day!!!
Celebrate having choices! Try something completely new for dinner. Try someONE new for Dessert. Buy a new pair of shoes that totally aren't you! Celebrate being able to throw off that clock of monotony and get wild!

V-day... Virginity Day!!!
Celebrate not giving it up yet!!! You are Pure and Proud!! Or perhaps... You are Proud that you are getting rid of your virginity today.

V-day... Volume Day!!!
Celebrate music!!! Celebrate talking loudly!! Celebrate Screaming your head off in absolute ecstacy!

V-day... Virginia Day!!!
Celebrate the old ways! Put on your powdered wigs, your corsets and bustle's... Get together in a grand ballroom and dance old style while the men stand around speaking of the politics of a new budding nation!!

V-day... Vulgarity Day!!!
Celebrate your dirty mind.. and MINE! Write short stories with the naughiest thoughts your head can figure. Send lewd text messages to your loved ones. Stare at body parts and be completely blatant about it.

V-day... Veircose Veins Day!!!
Celebrate those little blue lines emerging from your legs. Years of walking and dancing and wearing heels has made them come out. Or birthing babies or being just plain old obese. Those viens are part of you.. Your blood pulses through those viens.. so Celebrate the fact that the blood IS pumping!

V-day... Vickie Lawerence Day!!!
Ladies put on your flowered dresses and knee highs.. slap on a grey helmet perm wig and pay homage to Mama's Family!

V-day... Vindictive Day!!!
Celebrate finally being able to get back at that Ex who screwed you over. Or that friend that screwed you over with that ex. Celebrate accidentally putting ex-lax in your evil bosses coffee. Or framing that damn assistant with pictures of her at the Christmas party.

V-day... Viagra Day!!!
Celebrate that little blue pill!! Hand them out as party favors for all. Have an orgy with women who are completely satisfied and men who have reason for their ego's swell.

V-day... Venus Day!!!
Celebrate Roman Goddess!! Slap on a Roman style dress, wear laurels in your hair and be the sexiest goddess you are capable of being. Then stroll around with your head high.. Because all else is beneath you.

V-day.... VICTORY DAY!!!!
CELEBRATE FOR WHATEVER DAMN REASON YOU CAN POSSIBLY COME UP WITH!!!!!

except Velcro.. Velcro Day just doesn't sound right. And besides.. velcro hurts.. and all to often it fails to do it's job for any real length of time.. So.. no celebrating velcro.
- posted by Carrie @ 12:41 PM|

 
News, Weather and Traffic all coming up next....
We needed a new house to live in. The one we are in now is being sold and since we had to buy a new truck recently when my husband's old one just plain died on us, purchasing this house was out of the question. Well, I am glad to say, the end of this month, we will be living in a new house. Renting of course, but still, we are not homeless. The backyard has grass and patio, instead of the tumbleweed infested mud pit that our backyard here becomes whenever it rains. And the house itself is on a Cul-de-sac, so my children will be allowed out to play and ride bikes without fear of some jackass hauling down the street taking them out. The front yard is huge filled with grass and NO desert landscaping. Sure the bedrooms may be a bit smaller, but as they say...Location Location Location. It's 3 minute from our best friend's house and closer to the freeway. And did I mention.. front yard and back yard for my kids to be able to play??? Yes, I'm excited. Now if I could just take some of that excitement and turn it into motivation for packing, well we'd be all set. You never realize how much crap you accumulate, until you are faced with moving it.
- posted by Carrie @ 10:24 AM|

 
It's Raining Its Pouring....
There are large puddles of water surrounding every single parking and walking area that I need and have access to reminding me that even though my boots still look good they are 8 years old and have holes in the bottom..
Love the rain...
HATE wet socks...
- posted by Carrie @ 4:38 PM|

 
Smile!!
The week is almost over.


- posted by Carrie @ 5:21 PM|

 
Office Banter..
What my boss Should've said....
"The carriage bolts you got were too short, I can't fit them through the braces to secure them with the nut"

What my boss DID say....
"It's too short.. I can't fit it in and get the nut"




What my boss Should've said....
"I can't seem to pull up this website, it's giving me trouble. Can you help me pull up this website?"

What my boss DID say...
"I can't get it up, Help me get it help!"

- posted by Carrie @ 5:17 PM|

 
Conspiracy Flirt....
I know the guy at the Bagel shop has a crush on me. Perhaps it's just a little one, he's young and cute. But everytime I come in he comments how I dont come in often enough. And then works it so that even if 3 other people are working and 8 people are in line, he takes my order, fixes my bagel and rings me up. All of this is completed while steady stream of conversation where he actually blushes quite regularly. I order the same thing everytime. I love my Asiago bagels with TONS of Garlic Herb Cream Cheese. I know I ordered the extra cream cheese... I know I paid for the extra cream cheese, but when I opened my bagel at work.. I definately didn't get cream cheese. Now either this young cutey is thinking I've gained a little bit of weight since I last stopped in and was trying to help by NOT loading me up like I asked... Or his crush is a bit much and he's worried about my health. Either way.. I paid to swim through globs of creamy garlic and herb cheese.. and I didnt get it. He totally ruined my beautiful bagel morning.

- posted by Carrie @ 9:12 AM|

 
Maybe they won't remove it..
Gmail is getting really generous. I had 6 or 7 invites at one time. Then about 5 days ago.. I noticed I had 50 invites to Gmail. FIFTY INVITES!!! 4 days ago I sent out 7 of my gmail invites to the people that I haven't offered the damn things to yet. I love my gmail.. it's my main account. But 50 invites? Geez.. so. 7 Sent.. I'm down to 43... yesterday. And today.. I have 50 invites again. So seriously people.. if you have any interest in a Gmail account, and I highly recommend them, comment here with a link to your current email and I will send you the invites. I gotta get rid of these somehow. I feel like I'm not doing my part as a Gmail activist.

- posted by Carrie @ 4:30 PM|

 
Unfair...
Take the quiz:"What do you love about making love?"

Attention
You crave attention. You like to be in the spot light. For him/her to worship you and know every part of you. You love to be hugged and kissed and touched. But too much isn't always good...



The problem I had with this quiz is not that is it primarly right on with it's assessment of me, but the questions. Cause I like different things at different times. Sometimes cuddling.. sometimes hand holding.. sometimes in the back alley of a bar against the wall.. sometimes in the bathroom of the bar first. I guess it did peg me correct.. ATTENTION.. I love it. But I could change my answers any given day and still be completely honest about them.

- posted by Carrie @ 3:37 PM|

 
Off Center? A wee bit.. but we were just getting started.


- posted by Carrie @ 10:05 PM|

 
Who needs milk? Got.. whip cream?


- posted by Carrie @ 10:04 PM|

 
Build your own drink night at the pub... I've got my chicken wings, celery, ranch dip and cherry coke all in one gulp. Not everything is that easy to swallow.


- posted by Carrie @ 10:03 PM|

 
Angel can tie her cherry stem in a knot...or two.


- posted by Carrie @ 10:03 PM|

 
Night out with the um.. girls? Well.. was supposed to be anyway but Rachel has a way of attracting the other chromosome.


- posted by Carrie @ 10:02 PM|

 
And here... 

- posted by Carrie @ 10:01 PM|

 
Somebody's getting a little grabby with Rachel here....


- posted by Carrie @ 10:01 PM|

 
And here... 

- posted by Carrie @ 9:59 PM|

 
And here....um.. oops... that's me getting a bit grabby. In my defense.. she put my hand there.. now my mouth.. well.. I had one too many cherry cokes that night.


- posted by Carrie @ 9:58 PM|

 
Angst of youth.. not really they are just camera whores.


- posted by Carrie @ 9:50 PM|

 
In the end we all just love each other..No! We really do!


- posted by Carrie @ 9:48 PM|

 
But it really ends when the drunk girl walks into the picture and we all fall down.


- posted by Carrie @ 9:45 PM|

 
Dontcha Hate....
When you're wearing a shirt with a hoodie on it and you put your jacket on over it getting the hooding stuck so it yanks the neck of your shirt around your throat.

When you're dying for some chapstick that you know you have in your purse but can't find, so you buy a new tube only to find the chapstick in the pocket of your jeans.

When you've forgotten to remove the tube of chapstick from your pocket before putting it through the washer and dryer.

When you're putting clean clothes from washer to dryer and one lone sock falls on the floor in transition, thereby leaving you with one dirty sock and the other clean one spinning in the dryer without its mate.

When you're hungry for a chicken soft taco so you buy two, bite into one only to find it wasn't what you were hungry for at all, in fact it tastes awful so all you end up with is two tacos you don't want to eat and a watered down soda.

Grocery shopping when you are starving so everything looks so good, and you buy all of it, and only eat a tiny nibble out of one part of it.

When your favorite pen runs out of ink and you try to change the tiny little tube by yanking another one out of a different pen... but it's a stubborn tube.. and you yank so hard when it does come loose so does all the ink all over your hooded shirt leaving you once again with an empty favorite ink pen.

When your brain runs dry one day.. but won't stop running the next.

When some system error occurs shutting down the program you have just been working on for the past hour and takes all the work you just completed down with it.

When all you want is to hear a song on the radio, one that has been playing constantly for the past few days except for today when you want to hear that particular song.

When your socks leave those little red indentions in your ankles from wearing them all day making it impossible to make a quick switch from boots to strappy sandles because it will take an hour before all those red indentions fade.

When you know you put gas in the car but somehow it's empty again

When your favorite dress hasn't been worn in ages and you know it's coming time to just get rid of it.

When you find the perfect pair of shoes to wear with your favorite dress that you just gave away.

Feeling melancholy and displaced for reasons that you have no explanation for.

- posted by Carrie @ 4:27 PM|

 
Craving...
Something.

- posted by Carrie @ 4:03 PM|

 
If I end up in jail....
It's because I slipped my current boss too much Valium. Seriously? Have they invented the authentic Chill Pill yet? It's been almost a year since I started here. And so far, my boss and I have gotten along just fine. But the past two weeks stress levels have been high, so I take things in stride and not take them personal. That's coming to an abrupt end. A year ago, he had me make a sheet of directions to all our jobsites, which I currently update on a regular basis. I understand the majority of the people receiving these sheets will have limited english skills. So I keep them as simple as possible and avoid word flow I would normally put into a letter or a contract. Turn left, turn right, pass "smith" street, Dont stop for hooker... I mean.. simple instructions. And these have worked for a YEAR! I've never had someone get lost. But today, he gives me a new job site, with new directions. I write them up according to what he handed me. And he got all wiggy. I didnt give directions from a freeway.. well No.. because you didnt tell me which freeway this was off of. I didn't make the flow of the directions smooth enough.. well no.. because your workers dont speak english much less understand witty references to office buildings 4 blocks away. He took the entire directions sheet and has spent the past hour revising it. Mind you.. I've NEVER had someone get lost while using my sheet. He just revised the whole thing. And the worst part.. give it 10 minutes... He's going to start commenting on how he shouldn't be wasting his time with little shit like this. And how he hired me to do this stuff, he should have more time to visit jobsites.. Or golf courses like he did last week.. twice. So, it is this specific incident which has pushed me to the edge. I have a blog-name for my boss. In honor of him reaching his goal of becoming truly Anal.... henceforth.. the boss will be known and written here as.....
Buttplug


- posted by Carrie @ 1:09 PM|

 
I couldnt handle living in the real Renaissance era. I have to be able to shave, and hate when my feet get dirty. 

- posted by Carrie @ 11:51 AM|

 
Don't they look so happy? Such happy flowers, you can't do anything but smile when daises are about. 

- posted by Carrie @ 11:44 AM|

 
Got mine!
Do you ever feel like there is a small voice in your head.. warning you that you are about to cut off a car a bit too sharp? Or tapping you on the shoulder and sending you back inside your house to grab the pair of Jeans you promised your friend she could borrow that night. Now anyone who knows me personally also knows that my brain doesn't stay in one place long enough for me to actually remember or process these things on my own. Which is why I'm convinced.. I have a Guardian Angel. And I've named him Nathanial. I believe he looks a bit like Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall. Not when he has a beard though. The chiseled look, the tan face.. the lips and definately the gold streaked hair. But Nathanial's hair is long like Karl Urban's in Lord of the Rings. He smiles a lot, mostly while laughing at me, cause let's face it.. I do some rather off the wall things. I'm sure he shakes his head sometimes when I have a near miss that I know he prevented. And he laughs and dances with me when I feel the need to break into song and dance while wandering my house, or the grocery store. I don't believe he car dances with me though, he's too busy watching the road and other's around me. He's going to cringe the day I finally get my Stingray. But all in all.. my Guardian Angel is a warrior. He'd have to be.. he's watching out for me.

- posted by Carrie @ 8:37 AM|