"22...28...22...28..."
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
 
Who the hell is talking to me???
My fortune cookie says, "Luck will be yours when you least expect it"...
I had a dream 3 nights ago that I was playing the slots and won a million dollars...

So now I'm not sure if I need to go play the slot machines like now, or if it doesn't count because I'm expecting it.

Stupid Fates

Tuesday, June 29, 2004
 
Why I am not Skinny....
I recieved these tips in my email the other day from one of the million of spammers who know that I want to lose weight, just not interested in doing the work for it...

10 fat burning tips for people on the go:
...okay first.. if I was on the go, I wouldn't need so much fat burning.

1. When you wake up commit to 10 minutes of continuous exercise.
...I am really hoping sleep crunches work, cause I dream about exercise, but 10 minutes of sleep tend to be more important.

2. Perform timed interval walking in your neighborhood or at lunch. If it takes 10 minutes to walk to a certain destination try to make it in 8 minutes.
...Yeah, I live in Vegas, walking anywhere after 5AM in the middle of summer is just asking for heat stroke. And walking somewhere on my lunch break is just asking for me to be sent home for a shower.

3. If you have stairs in your home or work place commit to take the stairs a specific number of time during the day.
...Great idea, let me just finish this cigarette so I can hack up the stairs.

4. While seated, perform some isometric exercise to help strenghen and tighten your muscles. Example, contract the abs for 30 seconds while breathing naturally.
...Well Hell, I'm already up on this one. I suck it in anytime anyone comes into the room. That counts right?

5. For about $15.00 you can invest in a pedometer. Small device that records the amount of miles you walk in a day.
...I thought investments were supposed to make you money, not cost you it. And secondly.. these people haven't been watching McDonald's ads lately, cause I can get a pedometer in the new Adult Happy Meal for much cheaper. Though I think that's a pretty lame toy for an "Adult" "Happy" "Meal".. for some reason I don't think of McDonald's when I think of Adult, Happy & Meals.

6. Tired at night in front of the TV? Try taking periodic commercial exercise breaks. Instead of watching the commercials perform crunches during them.
...No see that's the point, I'm tired. That's why I'm in front of the TV. Can I watch people doing exercise?

7. Perform one excercise movement per day for 7 to 10 minutes and switch off each day.
...Is this in ADDITION to the 10 minutes I'm supposed to commit to excercise daily already? Geez, they tried to sneak that one in on me.


8. Take the longest route every time you have to walk somewhere, even if it's just to the bathroom or a co-worker's office.
...Listen buddy, If I'm walking to the bathroom you are better off throwing that whole timed interval thing, cause if I'm heading there I'm not taking any extra time to make it. And I guess you'll be writing the excuses to the boss for why it took me longer than it normally would to get into his office?

9. Everytime you take the stairs, simply take a double step or just use every other step. It will be just like lunges and the stairmaster combined.
...Oh right, cause breathing isn't difficult enough.

10. Perform any of the above with a spouse or a friend.
...this is the motivation thing right? Personally, I have other excercises I would prefer to perform with my spouse, and couple of my friends, but we won't get into that either.

 
*Taking a Bow*
I just want it known that I am Queen of elbow elevator button pushing...
I'm also really good at adjusting my boobs in an elevator before noticing the camera...
And..
Panicking when the doors take an extra second to open upon reaching the desired floors.. But we won't talk about that.

Monday, June 28, 2004
 
Letter to the local paper....
I'm a 26 year old married white life long resident of Las Vegas, and in the 5 years since becoming legal to party in this city I found a wonderful person that so many people know about and love, but I've never heard him mentioned where he should be. Entertainment section. He's a karoake/DJ host, Two Tons of Fun. I could give you hours of wonderful things this man has done, and reasons that he should be unofficially named Las Vegas' Best Loved Host, but this past weekend was the clincher. This weekend was his birthday, and this so-loved man had two regular bookings for the night. The night began at one small bar on the east side of town, and let me tell you it was full. At 6pm on a Friday night, directly from work, people came to be with this amazing group of DJ's. As soon as the gig ended, and everything was packed, the bar emptied. Everyone followed, including the owner of that bar, leaving behind just the two bartenders on shift and the cook. We re-grouped at the second booking, probably about 100 plus of us, all there to celebrate and enjoy, because that is what Two Tons is about. About an hour into his second, weekly booking the customer's became frustrated because they couldn't get drinks. The bartenders were slow, and to be fair, the place was filled to the rim with more streams of people heading in non-stop. At one point in the night, the big man turned on his mic to ask people to please continue having fun, and if needs be he would head to the corner store and buy 40's for everyone. He just wants his friends and family to have fun. 20 minutes after this announcement he gets back on the mic and says it's not about the money, it's about people I care about, who care about me enjoying themselves. We are leaving. And he did. He made sure everyone stayed put long enough for him and his crew to take down all of the equipment and to figure out where we were heading next. He didn't know where he was going, he didn't care about the money he was losing by walking out, he wanted his people to be happy and be loved. So we walked and climbed back into the cars, emptying out the bar as we went back to the first place. My husband and I were the first to arrive back at the bar and we watched as the line of cars followed suit into the parking lot. These people moved twice for this man, for their friends, their people. But let me tell you who Two Ton's people are. They are 26 year old married white women, They are 40 and 50 year old black men. They wear ties, they wear uniforms, they wear spandex skirts. Black, white, old, young, good singer, bad singer, Hip Hop wanna be, or country boy at heart. Everyone is welcome to his show, and not just on the surface. He cares so much about the people, his people, his family. Once you walk into a show, he makes a point to find out your name. And the next time you come in, while he may not remember your name, he knows your face, and makes it a point to find out your name again. This 300lb+ black man and his 130lb short italian fiance inspire such loyalty and love. And that's the bottom line. Two Ton's shows are about love of fellow man, and acceptance of all races, generations, singing and dancing abilities. As long as you can come without judgement, you can have the best time with him. I don't know if you spotlight entertainers such as this, the non-lounge singer, non-high priced charging, all around DJ. But you should. And that's the story and opinion from a Vegas Native.

Thursday, June 24, 2004
 
It's no secret that I harbor a deep dislike and mistrust of radio traffic reporters, it's almost a mystical thing. They tell me that a certain stretch of road is clear, it's not, they tell me it's a parking lot so that I will take the round about route, and the round about route is full of school & construction zones, and the other way was completely clear. To this end I have not only stopped listening for morning traffic reports, I will turn them off when they start. I have one way to get to work, just one, good or bad. But getting home seems to be different. They say the freeway is open..and it is. So here's my dilemma for the day. The radio has indicated that right now, at 5:35pm on a Thursday that the freeway is at an almost complete stop. I have 3 choices, and for a Libra.. that is 2 too many.
1) I can get in my car and try taking round about ways home which will end up taking more time anyway because there is no route between work and home that doesn't involve being near the strip.
2) I can get on the stupid freeway, crank up the music, sing and car dance for about the same amount of time it would have taken me to find the roundabout way, but I'll be stuck in one place instead of moving.
3) I can hang out at work for another half hour, earn an extra couple of bucks to sit around on the internet and blog....

It's 5:38pm. I need more to blog about.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004
 
Okay, so your boyfriend dumped you, by cheating on you with your best friend... Revenge? Of Course.. But thanks to the age of computers immature reactions such as slashing tires and spreading rumors about secret rashes that the doctor says will go away in a couple of weeks, are things of the past. I'm thinking something along the lines of "When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade". And after the 4th call today from someone trying to sell me health insurance, I had an epiphany. Why stoop so low as to buying into voodoo dolls and trying to burn his feet? The online world has a wonderful plethora of evil entities lurking about. And you don't even have to search them out, pull up your home page and click on whatever "free" offer pops up first. Then fill it out, for him. Name, phone number, email address.. You already have all the information you need. Instead of giving people reasons to mumble about your pathetic attempt at vindication, tie up his phone lines. With the most annoying phone calls, morning, noon and night he can imagine. Force HIM to spend money to change his name, Change his email, hell.. If you work it right, change his address!! It's excellent, wicked and no one has to know you incited it all.

On a side note though, if someone has pulled this trick on you, no matter how frustrated and ticked off you may get, if someone calls you and opens with "I'm calling from the dream car sweepstakes".. Before you delve into your speel on how you never signed up for anything like that.. Ask if you won BEFORE you hang up on them.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004
 
ABCDEFG...Next time won't you sing with me...
Know how you start thinking about something, and it starts with one thing at point A and then not 30 seconds later, you have skipped all the way down to point L. I did that today, but surprisingly enough it gave me something I wanted to write about. It is a ridiculously serious text and there is no humor, so skip it if you can't handle a little reminscent bitching.

I began thinking about music (I was driving in the car listening to the radio), and there was this new song on that I think will be the new wedding song for couples. And then I wandered to wedding music, and how certain brides and grooms request that certain songs NOT be allowed to be played. And then I recalled certain songs that still give me the heebies when I hear them at weddings.. Or songs that give me the jeebies from other special events. Which lead me to my blog bitching for the day.

Years ago I dated this guy, let's call him Dick, cause he was. And at the end of our relationship, we were still trying, or I was at least pretending to try to be on decent terms. Friendship stuff ya know? So when we broke up, but he still wanted me to attend his work Christmas party like we had agreed, I went. I got all dressed up, and went feeling like an absolute outsider next to this boy who I had spent a year and a half of my life with. I knew none of the people but apparently they had heard of me, so there were numerous smiles and opaque gestures in our direction when a slow dance started, and turned out to be "Our Song".. and I reluctantly went to the dance floor. Smile plastered painfully in place I attempted politeness and conversation. I knew people were speculating, and I had this churning in my gut that I mistook for panic and now know was anger and frustration. We headed off the dance floor and I was introduced to another woman he worked with, but for the first time this evening, I was introduced as his girlfriend. I know my eyes got huge, and I jumped to correct, "We're just friends".. at least I didn't yell and say "EX! EX-GIRLFRIEND". The chick smirked a bit and looked pityingly at Dick, patted his hand and walked away.

Here is why that annoys me... I can imagine the conversation between them at work the next day...

HER: That girl last night was a bit rude.
DICK: She's just a bit touchy, we just broke up, but she really is a good person.
HER: Doesn't seem all great, I mean, she isn't with you.
DICK: Well we had a lot of issues that couldn't be fixed.
HER: If she wasn't willing to stick around and try to work things out with you then she isn't worth your time and your heart anyway.
DICK: Thanks, I just need to keep telling myself that.

Okay Okay.. I know.. this is a completely ficticious conversation, but here's what has me heated about it. How many times have you heard someone tell another someone that their previous lover wasn't worthy anyway.

What what the hell do they know? He's such a great guy, that emotional abuse was a subtle and effective ploy he used on a daily basis? He was such a great guy that my family didn't even want to be around me when he was near because of the person I had to be when he was around?

These people don't know anything. They don't know that we who are not "worthy" stuck around because their partner said they were in anger management sessions. That we "Un-worthy" put up with lonliness because we alienated our friends and family for our partners. That those of us deemed "not good enough" for some prick who's side you stood by because he had you believing there wasn't anything or anyone else out there that wanted you.

I guess this rambling really has no point except, don't Judge. Very simply, unless you are right there, with those two people throughout their entire relationship, Unless you know every detail they went through, Don't judge. Because while you may think some girl is stupid for letting some guy go, remember that guy may be an abusive bastard that hides it well.


Friday, June 18, 2004
 
*sigh*
Thursday's drive to work was far better than any other has been in a very long time. I was late to work, with a valid excuse and no care for it. I woke that morning to clap of thunder. We rarely get rain in Vegas, and even when we have our seasonal flash floods that wipe out road ways and mobile home parks, lightening and thunderstorms aren't generally status quo. So waking to a loud crack just over head was wonderful.

I will admit to being one of those freaky people who can become easily aroused by the wicked seduction of mother nature and her sky shows. I love to walk and dance in a warm summer down pour, though I learned quickly at work this week to curb those rain dance desires when wearing a white shirt. But yesterday morning I jumped and rounded the kids up hoping to get into the elements before it dried up. Though the sky was still filled with dominating low black clouds, the rain had ceased for the moment, but the electricity still crowded the air. And our drive began.

Not one block from the house the rain started again, and much to my approval and excitement so did the early morning light show. Bolts of lightening pierced the sky on a periodic basis always followed immediately by the clap and crash of the thunder that was almost directly above us. And I drove right into it. Not on purpose, I'm not storm chasing with my kids in the car, but while many parts of my valley had blue skies hovering over it, the entire route to school was layered with storm clouds. Fat drops of rain spattered the windshield spreading out to the size of oranges at some times. I couldn't help but feel the power of it all. Each crack and clap sent a wonderful chill up my spine, as though I had been struck directly. We played chase the rain, driving into it, passing it, and waiting for it at the next stop light. We had to sit in the car a couple of times to wait for it to cease slightly so I could get the kids into their different respective day cares. But not once throughout the entire ordeal did I lose the giddiness of the rain storm. The way a storm makes me feel, with all it's noise and luster, is animalistic. It's as though it controls me, it woos and calms and swirls, then with a sharp command it snaps power and sensation through my body. I should have gone home, dragged my husband out of bed and into the backyard to make love while the energy and force was still there.

Instead I headed to work, the other side of town where no clouds were in sight. I turned onto the freeway, which was almost completely dry with the exception of a few pockets of water that had not run off yet. And as I sat in traffic, under a clear blue sky, window open trying to enjoy the last of the coolish weather, pouting because mother nature hadn't sent her clouds to follow me, wishing she would bring the downpour back, a huge truck to the left of me found the last puddle of muddy, oily water and plowed right through it, spattering me and my clean car. Be careful what you wish for people, be very very careful.

 
Got from Purecoincidence.blogspt
I had to post this.. and truth is the past little "Who are you" Quizes I have gotten from her site, and I really don't like posting things from others sites, especially if I have a link to their site already. But.. Well... I'm here as GottaBeCarrie.. And I gotta be carrie cause I absolutely worship "Sex in the City". So this was, once again, humorous and oddly right on key.

What kind of disease are you?

GottabeCarrie:

GottabeCarrie is caused by bad television.




GottabeCarrie disease turns one into a goth.
The cure for GottabeCarrie is to act like you're in a bad action film starring Mel Gibson.
Name?

Wednesday, June 16, 2004
 
Bibity Bobity....Where the HELL is mine?!?!?!?
....at her desk staring into space.
Light Tap Tap Tap on her shoulder...
Ahem...
Still staring into space
slightly more vigorous tapping with a more pronounced AHEM!
Eyes droop a bit....
CRACK!!!! Sounds the magic wand as it's brought down heavily upon my head
Me: OUCH!!!!! What the hell??? Who the hell are you?
Odd Fairy looking creature with wicked magic wand in hand: I'm your fairy vend-mother..what do you need to feel better?
Me:Dunno.. can't figure it out.
Vend-Mother: Want Chocolate? M&M's? Snickers? Caramel filled Hershey Kisses?
Me:Nuh uh...too sweet..
Vend-Mother: Salty then? Popcorn? Pretzel? Chips?
Me: To tangy and stingy..
Vend-Mother: Drink then? Soda? Juice?
Me: Too aluminiumy right out of the can.
Vend-Mother: Water?
Me: Too plain
Vend-Mother: Cigarettes? You just want a good smoke.
Me: No.. Too dirty and smelly.
Vend-Mother: Well dammit! What do you want?
Me: My bed, with the fan blowing, and the kids asleep or away, and my husband draped over me snoring loudly. Sleep... Yeah.. that's what I'm in the mood for today..
Begins to dig through her purse for change...
Me: How much? I think I have 65 cents...what number is that? D2?
Vend-Mother: Sorry, that number is out of order, can I offer you some corn-nuts instead?

 
I put my quarters in the slot.. and didn't win nuthin!
I was sent downtown to one of the city buildings today, and the downtown area is the only one in town with metered parking. I have heard many stories from my guru regarding paid parking horror stories. So with a small amount of unexplainable glee I pocketed all the quarters I had and headed out to find my first metered parking in years. LUCK! A spot directly out front of the building, I pull in and begin to feed the meter. $.25 for 10 minutes...geez.. time is expensive these days. Well, I'm about to enter a city building.. Better give myself at least an hour and half. While I'm always willing to have a new experience, and a parking ticket experience would be a new one, and one I could share with my guru... It's not one I think my hubby would approve of me having. So, I pay for some time, and head in to the building... which I exit, business completed 20 minutes later...
Hey Guru.. You owe me $1.75 cents.

 
A creature of habit I drive home the exact same way every night from work, even with beforehand knowledge of accidents or such. And everyday on my drive home I pass by a large yellow bill board with a caricature of a police officer asking? "Got a Ticket?".. The underwriting explains that the company being advertised will go to court for you. Basically, get a ticket, pay them money, they deal with the courts and the hooplah. Which is a really nice idea, especially since everyday, sitting directly under that sign are at least 2 motorcycle cops. Who says cops don't have a sense of humor.

Monday, June 14, 2004
 
Rip-Van-Reagan?
I'm kinda confused.. I thought perhaps a world wide news media such as MSNBC would have a fact checker.. But then I read this....

Both candidates refrained from overt campaigning last week as the nation took time to honor Reagan, the nation’s 409th president who died June 5 at age 93.

I think I need to lay off all sleeping aids for awhile, and their copy editors need to lay off the booze.

Saturday, June 12, 2004
 
Better than "Norm!!!"
I think or at least hope everyone has a place they can go where they know someone they call a friend will be there...Or least someone they known will buy them a drink. A place that you have been frequenting for so long that you could be considered just part of the expected scenery. My place is actually a person, or a group of people. And the best part about it is that everyone is made to feel that way. Whether it's your first experience with them, or your fifth year hanging with them. My favorite place is any venue with Karaoke Host, Two Tons of Fun.
His name is the truth.. He's probably mid fortyish, approximately 6ft tall and 300 plus pounds. He's a big round tub of black lovin. And he's just about the nicest man in the world. I've been singing at his shows for years now, and while people and places may change his personality and acceptance of everyone and everything hasn't. His shows cater to black, white...Male, female...Rap, showtunes, country, punk... This is a man who makes it a point to know everyone in the bar, buy them a drink and remember their name for the next time they come in. His humor is a bit on the dirty side...But no matter how many times he may ask a woman to show him their titties.. This 300 plus man is kept in check by a 5ft tall Italian woman we call Mama KC. I can't remember how many of my friends I have introduced to him. But I can guarantee that if you are introduced one night he will welcome you the next, by name, over microphone, and as loudly as possible.
I walked into a show last week, and from across the bar, when I was spotted I was announced like a 21st century courtly ball. Within an hour the music was playing and the "joint was jumpin". Most karaoke shows are built around the venue and one group of people who "belong" there. Not at Two Ton's show. You will be applauded, and you will be enjoyed. There will be dancers, whether they are pretending to Can Can because you sing show tunes, Or attempt a line dance cause all you know is country. The dance breaks he includes are fabulous, with DJ's that mix music so that your ass doesn't stop shaking in between the tunes changing. But the best part is the people..
Last week, Out on the dance floor, ALL together and truly enjoying themselves...
Mama KC... Early Forties..
Techno dancin white girl..
No ass, no rhythm white girl... Dancing with...
Great dancer, very built black guy...
Seven foot tall drunk cowboy, being grinded on by...
Short Puerto Rican chick who's hips don't seem to stop.
The DJ had his shades and his rock in his ear, smiling at..
Big booty black chick, who was too drunk to have moves.
6ft tall white chick with a voice to die for was trying to grind on...
Skinny punk boy with bleached hair, who was too busy grinding behind lesbian black chick, that was on bi-sexual lipstick lesbian that was on ...aw hell.. You get the picture.
Two Ton's shows actually succeed at making everyone belong and be comfortable and enjoy themselves, whether you are a karaoke freak or just an observer. So in short.. If you ever visit Vegas, and you want to go somewhere with no cover charge, cheaper drinks and a good mix of people... Venture FAR away from the Strip...(cause everything is ridiculously priced there anyway) Go to a Vegas website, find Karaoke...And locate Two Ton's show for the evening. You won't be sorry.

Friday, June 11, 2004
 
Da Heck?
Anyone know what Glaciates means? My previous post I used the word gluestick. And the spell check thought I meant Glaciates. Perhaps glaciate means to adhere to, or stick to? Apparently both myself AND the blog spell checker needs to expand our vocabulary.

 
Paradox
There's something so wrong, yet absolutely right about a gluestick lid that is stuck in it's place covering the stick glue. Doesn't make it any less annoying, or stop me from making aggravated grunt noises while trying to remove it.

 
"You're Caller # 21!!!! You WIN!!!!!
My local Rock Radio Station is giving away $50 gas cards every hour for the entire month of June. This is an EXCELLENT idea because before gas moguls got excited I could spend $25 bucks and have the tank last me an entire work week, and now I'm looking at about $35 and filling up at least twice a week (air conditioning ya know).
So my radio station giving out gas cards is absolutely a contest I am willing to waste my time trying to win. I'm just wondering if they're going to reimburse me for all the overtime minutes I've used on my cell phone trying to get through to them. Oh, and of course pay for the gas it's going to require for me to get to their office building if I do win and have to come pick up the gas card. OH, and pay for the gas I will burn up while driving from their office to the gas station location that will redeem the gas card.

Monday, June 07, 2004
 
Local Radio Station....
This morning they were discussing bands that their listeners believe should make a come back...

I called and volunteered Right Said Fred...
Come back song???
"I'm...Too Old to wear this shirt... Too old to wear this shirt.."



PS...forgive the goofy mood. I was fed much alcohol this weekend and am not convinced it had completed it's course through my blood stream.

Friday, June 04, 2004
 
Wanted: 1 brick wall to bang my head against
No matter how good the deal sounds, it's always a hoax.

No matter how large the gift card is, there's always a trap.

No matter which store wants to give you cash, there always 5 others that you have to pay for first.

NO Matter how free something may says it is, Never, even during an extremely boring day where sticking needles in your hand sounds like fun, Never put your phone number on anything. Even if you don't actually submit the stupid entry, Your phone number should always be some random sequence that has nothing to do with anything.

However, if in fact you are stupid enough to put your phone number anywhere, a fictitious roommate with revenge on her mind is not only a great excuse for playing dumb, but also an excellent chance to brush up on your characters and accents.


UPDATE!!!

I have spent the entire weekend ignoring or hanging up on phone numbers with either Non-Las Vegas Area codes, or 800 pre-fixes.
I will probably have to start answering these calls to refuse the offers they are contacting me about. However, I'm torn between using the "I never put my information online, bitch at work who hates me did it".... Or.. "Ya know, I just have lost all interest in your product due to over contact from other telemarketers"

Wednesday, June 02, 2004
 
Naked in public dreams...
My feet were screaming for attention. Every favorite pair of shoes I own expose my feet and toes to all sorts of abuse. I just wanted a pedicure. There are about 20 salons within a 5 mile radius of my work. I started driving with the intentions of just running into one and getting a quickie pedicure after completing a few errands my boss had sent me on.

Call #1...

Me: Hi do you have spa pedicures?
Them: Yes, we do.
Me: Any openings today?
Them: After 3pm we do.
Me: How much?
Them: $23. Would you like me to schedule you?
Me: Sure.
(I give my name knowing full well I would keep looking for cheaper)

Call #2...

Me: Hi, you do spa pedicures right?
Them: Of course, would you like to set up an appointment?
Me: Um, what times do you have available?
Them: I have a 3:45 and a 4:30, which would you like?
Me: 4:30 works best. What do you charge?
Them: Okay I've got you in for 4:30 today, we charge $35.
Me: Great, I'll see you at 4:30.
(Like HELL I will! $35 bucks to paint my toes that no one pays attention to anyway? You people must be really proud of your nail polish!!)

Enter Store #1...

Me: Good morning! I was looking to get a spa pedicure.
Them: Wonderful! We can take you right now if you like.
Me: Oh excellent, what's the charge?
Them: $40 Miss.. and Jaqueline will be right out to get you.
Me: I need a minute, I left my phone in the car.
(Phone left in car for the sole purpose of having an easy excuse to run outta there in case they were ridiculously priced, I'm smart!)

Call #3...

Me: Hey there, I need a pedicure.
Them: We do those.
Me: Fabulous, what do you charge?
Them: $15.
Me: PERFECT! I'll be there in a half hour to soak my toes in your spa.
Them: Oh Ma'am the spa pedicures are $33.
Me: Nevermind.
(Why can't I find a nice new millenia version of an asian sweatshop? One of those clean places filled with diligent asians who get you in and out in a half hour and don't charge over $20??)

Out of sheer frustration.. I...

Enter Store #2...

The door swings open and my eyes adjust as my brain processes..
The walls are dark blue with a black ceiling, sheets of sheer black material are strung from wall to ceiling creating an almost tent like atmosphere. Directly in front of me is a barber's chair with an adorable little boy, probably about 5, with curly black hair, black eyes, and black skin. The man holding the clippers, who had paused to glance at the door and was now staring, had equally black hair, eyes and skin. I believe I had a smile on my face, at first. Swinging my head to the right, I notice 5 people sitting in chairs lined up against the near wall. All of them waiting for their turn in the chair while flipping through Black Hair Magazine or Ebony. I believe this is the point when panic snuck up on me, which I quickly masked with confusion. A very large woman poked her head out from around the nail stations which I located in the far wall.
Silence..

Barber: Can I help you miss?
Me: Yeah, Uh... is this the only salon over here?
Barber: You're gonna have to ask...(
gestures toward the busty black woman headed in my direction)
Me: (think quick think quick! You aren't scared, just taken aback that you walked into Barbershop III. Be polite, this is the new millenium, racism is basically non existent and completely out of fashion. These people are NOT looking at you wondering what the hell the little white girl wants) Hi. My girl friend decided we were going to get our nails done today and told me to meet her at the nail salon on Sunset, are there any other Salons in this little strip mall? (Lying profoundly, and hoping desperately that she doesn't think I am insulting her shop or her abilities or believe for one second that I wouldn't be proud to have her give me a pedicure)
Nice Lady: Oh guuurl.. You betta call your frien back and tell her to be more specific..(her head is weaving and her hand is gesturing)They like 6 other salons round here.
Me: My friend told me on Sunset, right near Sunset Park, and she did say it was on the same side of the street as the park.
Nice Lady: She probly at Illuminations, das on the other side of the park.
Me: Oh, great thank you. I'll call her real quick and make sure.
Nice Lady: No problem Baby.. you have a real nice day.
Me: Thank you, you too.
(Smile, you're okay, walk back to the car and try not to imagine them laughing at you for being such an idiot..)




 
Kinda like when the chair makes a farting sound and you can't recreate it..
I swear everytime I sign onto my friend's blog to get my daily dose of his absolutely wonderful, many times over my head, humor... His site initiates a pop up. This I can handle, most free sites add pop ups, it's how they (as FREE sites) make money. But EVERY time I open my favorites list and click on his little icon I get a pop up telling me, in many different ways, that it can lower my bills. Except today, when I want to post a copy here and complain about it.

 
Bad advertising...
A girl named Samantha successfully completed her bout with higher education at UNLV. I know this because it was written all over her car windows. I believe it's cute to abbreviate certain words when window writing. Such as... I (Heart) U. Or.... If the car is a rockin don't bother knockin. Appropriate abbreviations for special occasions. But I don't believe a College Graduate should be okay with "Sam Graduated! UNLV-2004! CONGRATES!" Unless of course she was a Language major and Congrates is the Latin form for felicitations.

 
My city...
It was 78 Degrees at 7 O'Clock in the morning.
Just in case anyone was worried, I don't think
Hell is going to be freezing over any time soon.


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